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Please welcome debut author, Barbara Monajem.
Barbara Monajem wrote her first story in third grade about apple tree gnomes. After dabbling in neighborhood musicals and teen melodrama, she published a middle-grade fantasy when her children were young. Now her kids are adults, and she writes paranormal and historical romance for grownups. She lives in Georgia with an ever-shifting population of relatives, friends, and feline strays. Barbara can be contacted via her website at http://www.barbaramonajem.com/
Instinct, aka the Shoulder-Whispering Gut-Jabber
I’m happy to say I don’t have an evil internal editor who hovers around my computer with the sole purpose of criticizing my work. I do have a shoulder whisperer, who tells me when I’ve messed up, whether it’s to do with wonky plot twists, inconsistent characters, or research flubs. Sometimes I don’t pay attention, so he has to hit me in the gut. The other day he downright jabbed me, but did I notice? Sort of.
Sort of is not good enough.
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I’d been asked by Dorchester Publishing to write a short feature for their website to introduce the story world of my series that begins with this month’s release, Sunrise in a Garden of Love & Evil. (Yay!) I looked at what some other authors had done, and wrote up an intro to the kinky Louisiana town where the series takes place. I wasn’t entirely happy with it, but I figured maybe I was just being picky. So I sent it to my editor for his opinion.
He told me it was fairly interesting.
OL! Talk about damning with faint praise. The thing was, I already knew it wasn’t good enough. My shoulder whisperer had warned me, but I needed to be told by someone who speaks out loud.
So I laughed, and sighed, and resigned myself to being a little more creative.
But I wasn’t feeling creative. Think up something new? And more than fairly interesting? Right now?
Yes, now. So I called my daughter and brainstormed, but she did most of the suggesting while I soaked it all up. Then I got to work and wrote a cute little two-page scene. Again, my shoulder whisperer nudged me – no, he jabbed me in the gut – but although I knew it wasn’t right, I liked the scene a lot, so I sent it to my daughter.
Who very politely picked it to pieces, and her criticisms were absolutely correct. What’s worse, I already knew perfectly well at least some of what was wrong with it, but I was too enamored of my little scene to listen to what my gut-jabber said. I had introduced too many characters. It might have worked for someone who had read one or two books in the series, but for an intro, it was just plain confusing. Not only that, the point of view character and his voice were very YA. The series isn’t YA (although it has some young adult characters), so it gave the wrong impression. Also, nothing in the scene hinted that my novel was a romance.
So I wrote it again. Third time lucky; this one’s okay. Whew.
To get to the point: I think we all have shoulder-whispering gut-jabbers, although for different things at different times. Often, we know when there’s something wrong with what we’ve written. We’ve had similar problems pointed out by editors, agents, critiquers, and contest judges over and over again. Or we just know something isn’t our best work. I’m not saying we shouldn’t make use of external input – of course we should – but I would so much rather pay heed to my instincts when they whisper and jab, and save the external input for the stuff I don’t notice on my own (because there’s plenty of that, too). Like all aspects of craft, I’m pretty sure listening to one’s instincts is yet another skill a writer can – and should – learn.
So… What does your shoulder whisperer tell you?
One person who comments will win a signed copy of Sunrise in a Garden of Love & Evil.
by Guest Chef
33 comments
Mine has a mantra: Write faster, work harder. Write faster, work harder.
Some days I smile and place my hands on the keyboard, others I’m rather annoyed with him.
Hi Barbara,
Interesting! Yes, I have a shoulder whisperer. Thank goodness she doesn’t punch me in the gut too often, maybe because I’ve finally learned to listen when she whispers. (g)
Mine tells me: “Show, don’t tell.”
And Carol, don’t let the voice irritate you, just tell it to hush or there won’t be any chocolate later in the day. (g)
Barbara, thanks for joining us today.
Sandy
Recently mine kept telling me that what I’d done with a secondary character was way too convenient. I gave in and changed it. I’m much happier now and the story is stronger.
Thanks for being with us today, Barbara. I’m so excited about your debut book. And thanks for letting us know the critic – or gut-jabber – doesn’t go away once you’re published. Sounds like he just gets worse, but the writer gets better, so I guess it’s worth the stomachache.
I guess I have those two angels on my shoulder – one who tells me a scene is good enough, let it ride, and one who tells me the truth.
Great post, Barbara!
My shoulder whisperers have been way too quiet lately. I think it’s because I’ve been so busy with school and the assignments I have there that my whisperers are bored silly. I keep telling myself I’m coming to the end of all this other “stuff” and every once in a while I hear them give a small “yah” at that thought.
When I do have my internal editor going crazy, it’s usually about my overuse of certain words. Was, it, feel, had, that… I’ve actually added in an extra step at the end of every writing period where I search and find those words and change them. I do this each day instead of at the end of the book because then it’s tooooo overwhelming and I tend to skip more than I should.
Anyway, thanks for being with us today! Can’t wait to read the book.
Tami
Barbara,
Thanks for being with us today. I have someone that sits on my shoulder and whispers, sometimes she has to shout. Often there’s more than one person speaking fighting to be heard. I do try to listen.
Carol – Your whisperer sounds like quite the taskmaster. Give him some chocolate. Tell him to go take a soak in the tub. (Is that stuff too girly? Whatever.) Then while he’s out of the way, get back to work. Stat!
Sandy – I see you agree that Carol’s whisperer needs chocolate.
Ah, show don’t tell! Yes, yes, and once you’ve shown, trust your reader not to need long explanations as well. Often I think the telling I do is for my own benefit. Fortunately, it’s easy to take it out during revisions.
Debbie – I love writing secondary characters. Often they walk onto the page and just start stirring things up.
Linsey – I think sometimes the angel that says ‘let it ride’ really means ‘let it sit’ while you figure out exactly what the truthful one is telling you to fix. Often I know something’s wrong, but not what to do about it.
Tami – Oh yeah, I so relate. I think ‘back’ is the world I overuse most. ‘Look’ and ‘turn’ are way up there, too. I wonder if there’s a function in Word to find more than one or two uses of a single word within a page or so (but not counting the invisible words like ‘the’ and ‘said’ which we have to use frequently), but without specifying the word. I try to avoid using the same word twice in close succession, but if you don’t have specific words to search for, how can you find them?
Barbara–great post. I think that I’m just now learning the difference between when my evil supereditor and my truth-telling shoulder whisperer is speaking. Of course, I think my shoulder whisperer is speaking in German, but at least I can tell bu inflection when he’s not a happy camper.
I think the best example I have is that I wrote a paranormal even though that’s not my strong suit. The whole time I wrote it I knew that the mechanics were fine but that my heart wasn’t in the story. And I just had an agent tell me the same thing about a month ago.
Oh, well. Back to the drawing board–perhaps with a German/English dictionary this time!
That was ‘word’, not ‘world’.
Susan – I love the visual of more than one whisperer shouting to be heard.
Thank you all very much for inviting me today!
Great post. Oh yes, we have to listen to our guts.
CC
German? LOL. I’d like to have a shoulder-whisperer who speaks Anglo-Saxon. I don’t suppose I’d understand, but I love the sound of it.
Christie – How sweet of you to stop by. I love your books! And so does my daughter.
Barbara,
Thanks for blogging with us today. I enjoyed the story of your shoulder whispering gut jabber. I definitely have a shoulder whisperer that lets me know when I’ve done something wrong or can improve my writing. He or she will also let me know when I’ve done something right. My problem is conflicting advice. I’ve entered some contests recently and received conflicting feedback and while I can make some of the changes, some go against my gut. And I agree with you that you should go with your gut.
Marilyn Baron
Hey, Barbara! good job. One jabber has a crew. One yells that I need to keep going, then come back and fix stuff. One wants to stay and play with the words. One rubs her hands and says, “this is good stuff.” The fourth one says, “you gotta be kidding.” I think I need one more to moderate.
Hey Barbara! Great post. Yeah, I have a whisperer sitting on my shoulder. I have to train it to stop being nitpicky when I’m writing a first draft otherwise it gets a little overzealous about editing my sentence structures. But when my whisperer is nagging me about a plot point, I always listen. Happy release day tomorrow!
Barbara, it was late when I commented last night and I forgot to say I love your book cover. Is tomorrow your release day for real? Why didn’t you say something? That’s exciting!
Marilyn – I love contests, but the advice can be crazy! As for discrepancies between scores… whew. I got some entries back where one judge gave me the equivalent of an A and the other a D. Just gotta chalk that up to taste.
Mary – You have a party going on! Can my whisperer-jabberer come?
Joelle – Sounds like you have it all sorted out. I’m trying to learn to ignore first-draft nitpicking, too.
Carol – Thanks. I love the cover, too! The Dorchester art people did a super job.
Actually, my release day was yesterday. Woo-hoo!
Barbara,
Loved your post! Yep, that ole whisperer sometimes just roars in my ear. I’m trying to make something work that I really don’t want to redo, but when I ask my friend to read it, she says the same thing. She doesn’t whisper; she doesn’t roar. She just states it like it is – and then I redo it. Thanks for joining Petit Fours and Hot Tamales today.
Maxine – Funny how a nice, calm, telling-it-like-it-is voice is what works best. But I guess it’s like that in many aspects of life…
Oh those pesky shoulder whisperers. I have two of them. One hammers at me with “Quit while you’re ahead,” while the other asks me “Throw that out and start again.”
I’ve even had a character walk on when the story was lagging – and he stayed and became a major character – a second hero.
Interesting post.
“I would so much rather pay heed to my instincts when they whisper and jab, and save the external input for the stuff I don’t notice on my own.”
Your words, not mine. And a better way of putting the importance of a critique group couldn’t be written. I totally agree with that statement of yours Barbara!
I also agree with the internal editor aspect of your post.
My IE snarls, claws and roars. Unfortunately my IE slows me down for the most part. I think I might be very prolific if it weren’t for my mustace twirling IE.
But lately, with the help of this blog, wonderful guest chefs like you and my lovley critique partners I’ve been doing much better strapping my IE to the train tracks…instead of the other way around.
Excellent post Barbara! Great cover and what a pretty picture. Your portrait looks beautiful!
Have a great day and sorry I’m commenting late.
Tamara
Joan – Sounds like your secondary hero arrived in the nick of time to muffle the shoulder whisperers and let you keep on writing!
Tamara – That twirling mustache sounds adorable. I know, I know, I’m not supposed to like the villain, but this one sounds too cute. On the other hand, the cute ones are probably the most dangerous. Thank heavens for your vigilant critique group!
Congratulations on your first release! I don’t have a shoulder whisperer, but if I did, I’d listen to it.
Barbara you are just amazing. What a great gift to have your daughter read for you.
I too get the shoulder hammer who tries to get me to give up because I’m not good enough. Sigh, What you gonna do but try.
Hi Barbara – I posted the other day but the internet hates me…feeling’s mutual most days.
Congratulations on your new book and wonderful post.