.jpg)
by Cinthia Hamer
Yoda said “Do or do not…there is no try.” I’d have to disagree with that. I’m trying to become a published author. I haven’t yet done that, but I’m confident I’ll get there.
I’m trying to get healthier in my middle years. At this point, I’m not sure which is the more Herculean task.
About three years ago, writing, my passion, practically my reason for living, became an overwhelming drudge as did my job and even pleasurable things like knitting or going out to dinner with my husband. All over, bone-deep pain became my constant companion.
During this time I tried to write six novels, none of them worth a hoot. Most of them are still first drafts. A few are little more than proposals.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a little understood disease of the immune system, lumped in with rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. Life went on, more or less the same since it’s incurable and all you can do is control the pain with things like Motrin. Around this time, I noticed that my pinky finger joints were becoming swollen, painful misshapen. I kept on writing, but had little enthusiasm for it. Reading was easier and less painful.
Then, few months ago, I found out my gynecologist also specializes in the treatment of fibro. He ordered some tests, gave me the name of a book to read and I waited.
That book, titled, From Fatigued to Fantastic, by Jacob Teitlebaum, MD was my miracle. Until then, I thought I’d have to live with this disease and pray for a cure. Dr. T and my own doctor gave me something I’d almost abandoned—hope.
It turned out that I’d been wandering around for months, possibly a year or more with Epstein-Barr virus as well as another, more obscure virus called HHV-6. Since I meet hundreds of people, the majority of them young adults, each week, I probably contracted it on the job.
I became a member of the “Handful Club”. You’ve met them, people who take so many medicines and vitamins they gulp them by the handful. But I am a grateful and happy member.
Gradually, I am regaining energy. I can get up in the mornings and write until it’s time to go to work, then work a full day and come home and stay awake until bedtime. I can remember things for more than a few seconds at a time and writing has become a joy once more.
I still have bad days, mostly when I get a stupid attack and don’t take care of myself, but for the most part, life is pretty damned good.
I realize that my story is nothing remarkable. Many, many people go through life with difficulties that are gargantuan in comparison to mine. I salute them. I admire them. They are my heroes and they make me appreciate my life and my health despite my little aches and pains.
Yesterday, my husband told me a little story about a student at a special school for kids with physical impairments. One of the pupils recently won a state-wide physics competition. This child is completely paralyzed with the exception of one finger.
That, to me, is doing.
by Cynthia Hamer
18 comments
Wow, Cinthia. I had no idea. I’m so glad you found that book and a doctor who’d listen. I look forward to reading your published book one day in the not too distant future, so keep writing!
Oh, Cinthia, you give us all reason to ignore the minor complaints in our lives and focus on what really matters. I’ve had to write when I was miserable with a back pain, but it was something I knew I could treat and alleviate. I can’t imagine trying to write in constant pain. Carmen Green has had to do that for years because of her severe arthritis. You are an inspiration to all of us. I’m glad you are able to treat it now, but it’s not the same as being healthy without drugs. Your attitude will help your health greatly. Hugs on your struggles and huge congrats on your drive to continue writing.
Cinthia,
I applaud you for hanging in there through the rough times and I thank God that you’re getting some relief and now have hope for the future being less painful and more productive for your writing.
No matter what troubles I deal with in my life, (like some, I have a painful back issue), it seems someone else out there has MUCH more they’re dealing with.
Thanks for trusting us enough to share.
Sandy
Good morning everyone! Just a quick post before I fly out the door. People ALWAYS need blood during the summer. (why is that???)
If anything, I truly hope that my post will help someone who’s dealing with a chronic health issue.
Dianna and Sandy, I feel your back pain. Try Aspercreme topical (unless you’re allergic). I can attest that it gives me hours of relief. LOL! I sound like a commerical, but it works.
Okay, off to the land of The Cabbage Patch. I’ll try to check in late this evening. Bye~~~
Fibro and Epstein-Barr. Some people have all the luck. Sheez, how awful, Cinthia. You ought to consider writing a non-fiction book about your ordeals. It’s amazing what some people have to live with. They are brave souls, like you. I didn’t realize what it takes to go through a day of pain until I started having hip pain a few years ago that was diagnosed as spondalitis. Nothing they can do for it except pain relievers. Dr. Teitlebaum is great. I take a powder formula he offers called Energy Revitalization System. It helps.
I live with diabetes and severe restless leg syndrome, and I often wish for a brief health vacation! Just one day to be free of all that means would be wonderful. I’m excited to hear about the book. A young man in his thirties from my church was recently diagnosed with fibro and they can’t find anything to put him on. Side effects from the meds have been a huge problem for him. His constant pain level is high and the only med that helped he had to come off of because of the side effects. I’ll tell him about the book, but if you have any other resources, I’d love to pass them on to him.
In the meantime, just keep writing. When you get one of those “golden” days where you actually feel well enough and can concentrate, go for it. Go for it the other days, too
Cinthia,
I just sent this link to one of my critique partners who has been suffering with similar symptoms. Surely it will be an encouragement to her. Thank you for posting!
Cinthia,
Your post was inspirational. I agree with Dianna that our everyday complaints seem like nothing compared to what some people have to endure.
Good luck with your writing. We’ll all be looking forward to reading your book when it’s published.
Marilyn
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Manuela Durson, Noelle Pierce. Noelle Pierce said: PFaHT says: Fibro and Writing – by Cinthia Hamer Yoda said “Do or do not…there is no try.” I’d have to disagree wit… http://ow.ly/17PMVY [...]
Cinthia,
Good post. I am so glad you found some help. And I am proud of you for trying to find something that helps and then be willfiing to do it! I do hope you get to feeling better and feeling like writing! To me, that helps heal. Good luck to you!
Cinthia,
You’re an inspiration!
I’m reminded of something Michal J Fox apparently said many years ago, I believe it was in response to a comment about his Parkinson’s diagnosis when he was so very young… I paraphrase,
Everyone has their own bag of rocks to tote around.
Some have much bigger bags, others, very heavy rocks.
Life is all about how we handle our own load.
You’ve got some nasty pieces of granite in your sack, and you seem to be carrying them with grace and determination.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Thanks so much for the encouraging post, Cinthia! My crit partner, Chicki Brown, sent this link to me and I’m glad she did. I’ll definitely look up the book. I was diagnosed last year with Fibro and the Rheumatologist said it is usually an underlying disease caused by another auto-immune disease. My tests came back positive for Rheumatoid Arthritis and since I have most of the symptoms of Lupus, he diagnosed that as well. At 41 I refuse to just lie in bed all day. The meds have worse side effects than the actual diseases, so I definitely feel your pain, girl!! One of my crit partners sent me the Dragon Speak (?) software for the days my fingers are too swollen to type. But I still love the feel of the keys under my fingers and hate to give it up altogether. I’ve met so many wonderful people online with auto-immune diseases and I can truly say that they are amazing people to push through the constant pain and live life to the fullest. I like to look at it like it’s my bull ride and I’ll hang on for the 8 seconds or get up for another ride. Soft, pain free hugs!
Cinthia,
I knew you were struggling with this disease. I also know how debilitating it can be from the words of a friend who also suffers from it.
I’m so glad you’re on the road to better living. I’m so glad you found a doctor who listened and ultimately helped too. There are too many doctors out there who just don’t get it. It’s a happy thing to find one who does.
I loved how you tied Yoda’s quote in at the end. (I happen to be a huge Star Wars geek, so any reference to the sci-fi legend is pure poetry to me) In fact, I forgot about that quote. You may not agree with it, and I can totally see why, but for a pessimistic, procrastinator like me, the wise words of the little green Jedi resonate clear. I may have to get that tattooed some where on my body.
Thanks so much for the post.
Have a productive, pain free day,
Tamara
As a writer, I’ve always wonder what “story” is happening behind each face I meet. When I pass a car on the road and see someone jamming out to a song, I wonder if their life is really that easy going or are they just taking a “break” from other crapola that might be happening. When I read a story about another celebrity divorce, I wonder what really happened behind the scenes to cause this.
You’ve given us a piece of your “story” and allowed us a better understanding of the life you reside in.
Thank you so much for sharing this slice of life and for helping so many people that you never knew even needed that help. Rock on, girl!
Tami
Cinthia, thanks for sharing your story. I think that, in some ways, chronic pain can be even more debilitating than a one time accident. Sometimes, something “minor” can keep wearing us down just through the sheer repetition of it.
There’s nothing “minor” about what you’ve suffered nor about your determination to overcome. May we all be inspired by stories like these.
Cindi, I’m happy you found a way to manage your condition. And I applaud you for searching until you found out the exact cause of your problem. Last year I suffered with vertigo for four months. I took medications and went to specialists. Nothing worked. But I didn’t give up. I researched until I discovered that a side effect of one of the medications I was taking was vertigo. I asked my pharmacist and he confirmed it. I stopped the medication and now I’m vertigo free. Since then I’ve become pro-active when it comes to my health.
Cinthia,
You inspire me by your ability to just keep moving no matter what. To even think about writing with all that going on is a special gift. Great post. Even writers are human, we have to remember that.
Good evening, everyone! I’m bowled over by all the comments. Wow!
First off, thank you everyone for all the kind and encouraging words. The post was actually written back in February, the worst time of the year for me. And I confess, I was having teensy little pity party for one. Right now, I feel pretty darned good. My Buddhist friend would probably say I was a lizard in a past life, which is why I love the warmth so much.
Debbie, RLS gets me at times and I find long warm soaks in the tub with epsom salts and lavender oil help, along with taking a magnesium tablet about an hour before bed. Teitelbaum has a resource directory at the back of his book and there is a fibro specialist listed who’s here in the metro Atlanta area. Hope your friend gets to feeling better soon.
Kathy, I’ve read that quote before. He’s absolutely right; we all have our rocks to tote and they always feel like they weigh a ton. I’m grateful I have an understanding family and friends who help me tote those rocks from time to time.
Chicki, thank you for reading and commenting.
Chelle (and anyone else who is interested) I’d be happy to discuss this more in private. You can contact me at cinthiahamer@yahoo.com.
But just for general info, the best thing anyone can do for themselves, whether they have an autoimmune problem or not, is to get as healthy as possible. REST is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing we can do for ourselves and I’d venture to guess that most of us don’t get enough. Eating right…so many food allergens out there and I think being a fast food society isn’t the best thing in the world for us, either.
Tamara, glad you enjoyed the Star Wars reference.
A tattoo might be a bit extreme, but a Post-It note on the fridge might be a good idea. LOL!
Tami, I often do the same thing. I deal with the public every single day and occasionally encounter people with a bad case of the grumpies or people who are just down and out. I wonder what the heck happened to them to put them in that state, especially since I tend to be a fairly cheerful person.
Sally, chronic pain is like dripping water on a rock. The water may not “hurt” so much, but eventually, it wears the rock down. I had a root canal last January and my dentist was amazed that I took the whole thing so calmly. He said I had an incredible pain tolerance. It never occurred to me that it was especially painful since discomfort is part of my life. Weird, huh?
Pam, I’m so glad you finally figured out the cause of the vertigo. Some of us were rather worried about you. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, so (((hugs))).
Susan, thank you for the kind words. I had to chuckle at your comment, though. There are days when I feel like just stopping in my tracks like a recalcitant mule until I feel darned good and ready to move again.
I hope I didn’t leave anyone out. I’m glad you all stopped by and again, sorry I had to bug out this morning. But thanks to the blood donors of Cleveland, GA 198 people will have a happier 4th of July.