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By Marilyn Baron
I don’t know about you, but my exterminator bugs me.
My apologies to all those exterminators out there, but I can’t get my “bug-man” to stop talking and start spraying.
Next time I have a question, I’m going to ask my exterminator. He might just have the answer. My exterminator likes to talk. A friend of mine in Gainesville, Florida, had the same reaction to her new exterminator.
“Hey, my exterminator just moved to Florida,” I said. “Maybe we have the same exterminator.”
Or maybe talking is a technique they teach in exterminator school.
My new exterminator insists on communicating with me while I’m on the computer writing, working, reading or talking on the phone. Once, when I was involved in an important telephone conversation, he waited around and I signaled that I wasn’t through, indicating he could leave and that I wouldn’t be able to talk to him.
Five minutes later, my cell phone rings and I am still on the phone and can’t answer it. When I retrieve the message it’s him (The Exterminator) and he says: “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk.”
How did he get my cell phone number anyway, and why in the world was he calling me to tell me that? Undaunted, he called my home phone and said the same thing.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk.”
I didn’t hire him to talk. I hired him to keep the bugs away.
I know he’s not trying to hit on me. I’m over the hill and married and there’s absolutely NO chemistry there, except the stuff he carries around in his spray can.
Not that that can’t happen. My middle-aged next-door neighbor always gets hit on in line at the grocery store, not by the check-out guy, but by a random guy in line.
And, come to think of it, my drive-through bank teller is getting pretty talkative. Last time I was at the bank she asked me how my day was. I told her it was my anniversary and that we were celebrating by going out to dinner. Next time I drove though, she asked how my anniversary dinner was. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that after a lovely dinner, we took home the boxed-up leftovers (a juicy steak and most of the fried lobster tail) in a nice big bag. Good thing, too, because the minute we pulled out of the valet parking area, I threw up the entire dinner right in the leftover bag. Good times.
But what I want to know is, how did that bank teller remember it was my anniversary? Every time I drive up to the window, she greets me with “Hello, Mrs. Baron.” Is there a sensor on my car? What gives? I mean I enjoy the personal treatment, but how do they find out all these things? Is Big Brother really watching?
And don’t get me started about the people who clean my house. I swear, they’re out to get me. I’m sitting in my office and they come in and start vacuuming around me. So I move into my living room, where they proceed to follow me with the vacuum cleaner. Undaunted, I switch to the den, only to be followed by the cleaning team and that blasted vacuum cleaner. Last time they were here, I decided to go outside, sit on a lounge chair and read a book. Being chased around or out of my own house really bugs me.
What bugs you about people?
by Marilyn Baron
33 comments
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Noelle Pierce, PetitFoursHotTamales. PetitFoursHotTamales said: New blog post: Maybe I Should Ask My Exterminator http://petitfoursandhottamales.com/2010/07/maybe-i-should-ask-my-exterminator/ [...]
Hysterical line, Marilyn – “except for what’s in the can.” I don’t mind a little conversation with someone who comes to do a job, I just don’t want it non-stop. People often think because you’re at home, you’re not doing anything. So, not true!
The same thing happened to me earlier this week when someone came to fix our alarm system. I wanted to get back to work and everytime I tried to sneak away he kept engaging me in conversation. Maybe this guy was a former exterminator.
Marilyn
Fun post, Marilyn. Maybe you should chase your exterminator around, peppering him with questions. Alas, no one chases me with cleaning supplies, so I have no funny stories. I did have a talky and probably lonely park ranger visit our campsite about four times in one day when I took the kids hiking. I fed him freeze-dried lasagna, fresh-brewed coffee, and thanked him for chasing the bears and serial killers away. He eventually left.
Funny. I’m the same way. What I hate the most is being spoken to while he uses a flashlight to highlight the fireplace. Like I don’t know where the fireplace is without it being pointed out to me. At least mine now is an Auburn fan. We talk football.
Berta,
Thanks for visiting our blog. The talky and lonely park ranger sounds interesting.
Susan,
I’ve never talked sports with my exterminator but that might be fun, but only if he’s a Florida Gators fan.
Marilyn
Um, Marilyn, for the first 18 years of my life I didn’t understand that almost everyone was like this. I went on a trip to New York, and I thought everyone was exceedingly rude.
Is it possible that you have a bunch of country people taking care of you? Or perhaps some folks from Mexico–I felt right at home in Puebla where almost every trip led to a long conversation, often with folks grinning at my attempts to speak Spanish.
I don’t know what to tell you, but we had a series of “You know you live in the country..” jokes back home. One of them was “You know you live in the country when you take a walk for exercise and at least three people stop to offer you a ride.”
I think maybe from the country. It’s not that I don’t like to talk to people because I really do, but I was on the phone and really couldn’t talk then.
My last exterminator was an even bigger talker. When he left to go to Florida, he gave me a recipe, which actually was really nice.
Marilyn
Hilarious!!!
why do smokers think that I want to breathe in their second hand smoke in parking lots, at the beach at the pool?
I loved the throw up story and the way you ended it with, Good times. I laughed pretty hard envisioning that…sorry. Not that your discomfort is funny…just the telling of it.
Okay, now most people might sniffer at this comment, but I can’t stand the majority of people on earth.
Pretty harsh, huh? But true. In fact, it’s so true that my good friends introduce me to new people by saying, this is Tamara, she’s an ogre, so don’t piss her off. My best friend seriously introduces me that way.
Okay, you’ve kicked over a hornets nest her Marilyn, so I’m gonna give you a list of what bugs me about people.
1.why the heck do people have to stand so close to me in line. Back the f&$@& up!
2.why do people have to kick my seat in the movie theatre?
3.why can’t people yield at yield signs?
Why do people let their kids lean over my booth in a restaurant with their little mouths full of egg or spaghetti sauce?
4.On a plane, why do strangers think I have any interest in talking with them about their life during the entire flight?
5.Why can’t people mow their laws on a regular basis? In my neighborhood or anywhere?
6.why do people find it necessary to talk so loudly on the phone in public places that you their brother just got out of jail and their cousin is on meth?
7.Why don’t people say excuse me, pardon me, thank you, please anymore? What happened to manners?
8.Why do people, teens and some adults think that those loud mufflers are cool?
9.why do people, teens and some adults think I want to hear their booming base music when I’m trying to relax at the pool?
10.
Okay, so that’s my ranting vent for the day. You’re not alone marilyn. People bug me too! And I had an exterminator who yacked his head off, took forever to spray my house and creeped me out too! I fired him and now I have a nice man who does his job and gets the he’ll out.
To tell you the truth, if it wasn’t for my family, who I adore, I would be very happy living out in the woods (as long as a few shoe stores were near by) by myself just like the uni-bomber…only without the beard.
I loved this post Marilyn…I’m right there with you.
Have a wonderfully, un buggy day!!
Tamara
Okay, now I’m hysterical laughing at your comment.
Don’t forget purses. I know how much you love them. You wouldn’t want to be stuck out in the woods without them.
I have to agree with a number of items on your list. My last post was devoted to the horror stories on airplanes. I’m about to leave today to go to New York to celebrate my husband’s birthday and visit my daughter who lives there. Hopefully we’ll have an uneventful flight where I can read my book in peace.
Kicking seats in the movie theater is one of my favorites. Also, did you ever wonder why, in an empty theater, the two tallest people on earth will inevitably choose to sit in the two seats right in front of you?
I’ll have to get the name of your exterminator. Thanks for commenting.
Marilyn
Good morning. You guys are a hoot.
My exterminator likes to talk also, but I politely shut him off by telling him I have a deadline and must get back to work. Then I smile and turn away.
What bugs me?
1) People who don’t control their kids
2) Sitting at red lights when there’s not a car in sight anywhere.
3) Paying $20 for hubby & I to go to a movie and eat their lousy popcorn and some jerk hasn’t turned off his phone…and feels a need to talk to the caller
4) Paying twice as much this year for an item than 5 years ago and it’s even smaller. (take candy bars for instance)
Okay, I could rant on all day, but I have a deadline and must get back to work. (g)
Sandy
$20 for a movie and a lousy popcorn?
How about $21 for a movie for two and $4.00 or $5.00 additional dollars for the lousy popcorn, although I don’t think popcorn can be lousy especially if it’s buttered.
Marilyn
Marilyn, I feel your pain. When we moved to our current house ten years ago I told my husband I was designing a house we could keep up. I was so over having anyone come in to clean because first we had to “pick up the house every time” then they wanted to visit. I want to be nice to everyone, but I really do not want to chat while they clean. If I don’t chat I feel like I’m insulting them. I usually stick my husband with people like exterminators and such. He’s good at chatting with them. After so many years in business I want someone like a contractor who is going to do work on the house to just give me the bullet points and a price then say goodbye so I can get back to my work.
I agree with Tamara on many points, especially the people on the airplanes. I spend way too much time on airplanes and when I do I use that time to write. You can tell the minute you sit down if you’re seated with a talker. I carry headphones to avoid having to politely tell them for the third time that I really do have to get done.
Good rant blog for today.
Oh, Tamara, your #3 (kids part) reminded me – Why don’t people make their kids behave on a plane? Kicking the back of a person’s seat, janking on the head rest and making noise by patting on the air vents doesn’t make for a pleasant flight! Then again, neither does a snoring, farting seatmate, especially when they’re in the aisle position and have you boxed in.
Whew! I feel better.
Thanks for commenting, Dianna. I can’t imagine you being impolite to anyone!
My troubles got worse yesterday. I came home to find that the cleaners decided to “polish” my distressed wood table and they polished the blue green finish down to the original butcher block.
So I will have to have the entire tabletop redone.
Then I had company right after the cleaners were there and they must have tightened or twisted the knob when they were cleaning the shower so that when my sister-in-law went to use the shower, the knob came off in her hand and water started spewing out everywhere and flowed downstairs into the light fixture and into my kitchen sink. Now we have to call a plumber to fix the leak and a painter to paint over the water stains. Hopefully the plumber won’t be as talkative as the exterminator.
Marilyn
Okay, Carol, I guess I can’t get mad at annoying kids since I remember one flight to Orlando when my daughter was 3 years old where she howled the whole flight and then threw up.
Hmm. Sound familiar?
My husband told me about a flight he’d taken once on business when the woman next to him had to go to the bathroom and she said, “here” and dumped her baby into his lap and took off for the restroom.
Marilyn
Marilyn, no one realizes that funny is your best talent. Your writing and stories are funny and accurate. He might be hitting on you. You are definitely a MILF or cougar or whatever is sexy.
What bugs me?
People always finding problems without looking for solutions!
People who make mean gestures while driving.
Yes, I have that guy in my office like the exterminator, but he is collecting the recycling. Yesterday, I fake got on the phone so I could be saved a 45min conversation with him. Sweetest man, worst timing. I’m at work!
Thanks, MB. You are the best.
Yeah, but Marilyn, these boys were at least 10 years old -definitely old enough to know better if they’d had some discipline in their lives. I can understand the little ones. Sometimes their ears hurt or they’re just scared of the new experience.
Nicki,
A cougar? Thanks, I think.
Recycling Guy was probably hitting on you but you’re too young to be a cougar.
I like the idea that you “fake” got on the phone. I’ll have to try that.
Carol,
You’re right. I think my daughter’s ears were hurting and she was really only a baby so she couldn’t help crying.
Yesterday, I was at a doctor’s appointment and a woman brought her two boys and they were running around the office.
I guess another thing that’s irritating is when you go to a restaurant and kids old enough to know better are running around and their parents are just sitting there. I guess the parents think that they’re out for a nice night on the town and it’s the restaurant’s responsibility to watch their kids.
Marilyn
HILARIOUS! I love this, Marilyn!
I have to comment on Berta’s Park Ranger story. We had a Park Ranger sit and talk to us at a Cub Scout camping trip I went on with my son. I swear the guy stayed the whole time we were setting up camp, then followed us down to the restrooms, then had to tell me the whole life story of the snake we saw crossing the road in front of us. I was ready to kick my husband for not coming with us that trip. Eventually he did leave, but I was beginning to wonder…grin…
Oh and Sally, I love your “country” jokes. Where I grew up I actually had people stop and ask me if I needed a ride most every time I went out for a run. I was a cross country runner so it did get kind of annoying.
Tamara, you slay me! I about choked on a carrot when I read that your friend introduces you as an ogre. So don’t see that.
Sandy, I took my son to see two movies the Monday following Independence Day. It cost us $50 and we cheated and brought our own candy, only bought one bag of popcorn for the two and shared a coke. But I have to say the movies were worth it, although my husband wanted to know if we got autographs for that price.
All of these comments have some I could relate to, but I have to get back to work. I will add a couple more things. The last movie we went to, someone kicked the back of our seats continuously. When I finally looked over the edge to glare at them, it was two older ladies and both of them just looked at me like I was over reacting. My other movie theater rant is that every time we go, someone always has to sit directly behind us. We usually get there early and are often times the first ones there. EVERY SINGLE TIME the very next people into the theater will come in and sit directly behind us. I have no idea why other than I must be really good at picking prime seats…grin…
Thanks for a good laugh this morning Marilyn!
Tami
Funny post, Marilyn. Fortunately, my hubby handles all the handymen, which is a good thing, since we’ve had a lot of them around lately. Hubby is a talker, too. But you are so right. All of them love to stand around and have a conversation. Must be a side effect of those types of jobs. And they say novel writing is lonely.
Sounds like you need some new cleaners.
My list is a lot like the others – seat-kicking ought to be against the law. As well as screaming children in restaurants. Someday, I’m going to walk over to the other table and chew out the parents.
Thanks for commenting, Tami.
I guess people like to flock together in a movie theater. I don’t mind if people sit behind me, only in front, if they’re blocking my view. Unless of course they’re kicking me from behind. It really is true that people seem to want to sit near other people even in an almost empty theater.
The park ranger must be like the Lonely Maytag Repairman. Everybody wants to connect with someone.
I agree with you about Tamara. She’s so not an ogre.
Marilyn
Linsey,
I remember one cruise we were on where we sat at the same table every night and the people next to us were having a grand old time while their children were running around our table in circles and the parents didn’t blink an eye.
Marilyn
Very funny Marilyn! You ought to take up writing humor! I’m with Tamara on the list – I didn’t see a thing on there that I did not agree with 100% – except you being an ogre!! You are just a cutie and you make me laugh!
Thanks, Brenda.
I hope that’s what I’m already doing. I try to inject humor into everything I write.
Marilyn
Yep, how could I forget purses. The uni-bomber woods I retire to must also have a coach store.
And yes, movie theaters are another one of my nemesis. I will want to see a movie soooo bad, but I’ll wait for it to come on bluray instead because I’ll be damned if, like Sandy say, I’m going to spend twenty bucks, eat crappy popcorn, have some kid yank or kick my seat and have some ten foot tall dork sit in front of me while toting his buddies….
That’s a grrrr arrgggggg moment.
Oh gee…I’ve gotten myself into a tizzy.
Excuse me while I pound a glass of wine.
Hope you have an uneventful flight with plenty of peace to read!!!
Have a nice trip,
T
I meant, testing his buddies.
This Ipad is hard to type on.
I need more wine!
T
Aggggggg!!
Not only is the iPad hard to type on but it’s anticipating my word and changing it because it thinks it’s wrong…
TEXting his buddies! That’s what I meant.
I think I might go for the vodka now.
T
Tamara,
I’ve sat behind that 1O-foot texting dork before. Try typing on your Blackberry while riding in a car. (Not driving)
Marilyn
Marilyn, after careful consideration of your well-crafted post, I have discovered that I have met the enemy and I am she. Maybe it’s not that people are talking to me–maybe I’m talking to other people! Oh no, I’m the annoying one! I’m going to look for a twelve step program asap!
Sally,
You’re not annoying. Talking to people is good,just not when you’re at home trying to work.
Marilyn
FYI.My plane is two hours late. One of the planes here was struck by lightning and another was diverted. I hope tbe actual flight to New York is uneventful.
Marilyn
Marilyn,
I’m so sorry I missed this post! It was hilarious, and so were the comments!
Things that bug me:
People who walk their dog on MY lawn and leave the poop there…clean up after your dogs, people!
People who think they’re going to change my mind about politics simply because they are annoying. Not going to happen.
People who speed up when someone is trying to get across traffic, and then honk their horn. Like they didn’t see me coming?
People who nickel and dime their waiter/waitress (or worse yet, don’t leave a tip) and then walk out of the restaurant and get into their Mercedes.
People who have more money than sense.
There. I’m done!
Anna