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By Christine Glover
I believe that women go through various underwear phases in their lives. When we are children we wear themed underwear. You know what I’m talking about, right? Remember “DAY OF THE WEEK” panties? Or how about holiday panties? Oh, how I loved opening my traditional Christmas package with the days of the week panties. I made sure that I wore the correct day panty for every day of the week.
Then when I was a teenager, I discovered cute panties. Sexy-but-only-I-know-about-them panties. They were usually silky and sassy. I wore them and they made me feel deliciously grown up. Later, when I became a real woman, and married, they weren’t so secret anymore. *Grin*
During my pregnancy, I had to get creative with my underwear. I had to wear “big girl panties.” I confess that they weren’t all that sexy, but they were comfortable. Then, after my darling daughter arrived, and I got back into shape, I joyously returned to my various fun pairs of underwear. And I discovered thongs! Not the kind you wear on your feet, but the kind you, well, wear down there. Some women find this particular kind of underwear uncomfortable. Not me. I loved them. They were perfect undergarments to wear in combination with dresses and slacks. They hid the VPL (visible panty line). They were the best undergarments in the world.
For years I had a combination of pretty panties and thongs, which I rotated, based on what kind of clothing I would be wearing that day. Life was good.
But then estrogen and a fickle thyroid conspired against me. My body went on a rebellion and grew strange and unusual lumps and bumps. I no longer looked the same in the clothing I had purchased only a year earlier. Thongs didn’t hide the results of age pounding on my behind’s door. And so what was this girl to do?
She caved. She entered into the SPANX age of underwear. Spanx sound like a punishment and they aren’t for the weak of heart. But they do hold all the lumps, bumps, curves, and verves tight, together, taut. They make a girl look quite pulled together. Are they sexy? No. Are they pretty? Nope. Are they comfortable? Heck no.
Would I wear them every day? No way in Hades!!!
But whenever I attend a function which requires high heels, pretty hair, bling, and a cocktail dress, Spanx are my go-to underwear of choice.
Sigh. Maybe I’d like them better if they put DAYS OF THE WEEK on them.
So what phase of underwear are you currently in? And where do you go when you are buying underwear? Will I see you standing in the cute, sexy, I-feel-naughty section or will you be standing next to me staring at the I-can’t-believe-I-have-to-buy-these-ugly-things section?
by Christine Glover
25 comments
LOL, Christine! Okay, I’ll go first. Hip huggers with dresses, thongs with jeans or slacks, always from Victoria’s Secret, preferably with a matching bra. I have a couple of dresses that require Spanx, but I am hoping that diet and exercise will take care of that. A girl can hope…
Hysterical, Christine. I thought you were talking about me until you got to the thongs and Spanx. I’ve never tried either. I’m in the “comfortable cotton” stage of my life, and quite happy to stay there.
Christine,
I thoroughly enjoyed the post! It did bring back memories. Me? Big girl, but I do buy silky and pretty colors. See ya in line.
Hi Pam: I do have some matching underwear, but not too many pairs. I like thongs under my slacks, but the Spanx really do hold in all the sagging places. There is a new product by Wacoal called, and folks I am NOT making this up ‘HOPE ON A HANGER’…. I may have to get one just to say I have it.
Hi Linsey: I also have comfortable cotton by Hanes in my underwear drawer. I only wear them with jeans and fuller skirts that don’t require me having all the fluff tightened.
Hi Maxine: Ah big girl silky!! I will have to look for you in that aisle. Sounds better than the Spanx aisle.
Too funny, Christine! I’m a fairly boring girl myself. I hate shopping for any kind of undergarment and hold on to them until they fall apart. And I never match.
Hi Gwen: Glad you liked my confessional
As it is I resent having to spend a boatload of money on the undergarments. Spanx aren’t cheap. The knockoffs are good, but not much cheaper. I do hang onto them till they must be tossed, too 
Hipters are what I go with. I can also get them that don’t show a panty line. Victoria’s Secrets is my go to place. Cute post.
Ah, hipsters sound great Susan. I love Victoria’s Secret, too. But their Spanx-like product is uber expensive. I usually hit Kohls or a department store. I’ve also been spotted in the undertorture aisle at Walmart.
What a funny post. I have mostly Jockey cotton underwear. I never wore a thong and I don’t like Spanx.I do like Wacoal bras so I will try the Hope on a Hangar. I do remember the pregnant days when I needed underwear the size of sails.
Hi Marilyn: I love Jockey. Wacoal bras are the best. Worth every penny. Underwear the size of sails about says it right for me, too. One of my girlfriends stole her husband’s underwear when she was pregnant. She said it was the most comfy underwear she’d ever worn. Might have to check out Jockey for Men!
LOL! Gotta love a post that mentions the underwear drawer…
I am in that in-between stage of the thongs/silky panties and the Spanx. I’ve got a few that I wear maybe every other month. But then again, I only ever dress up every other month…
Man, I remember those day of the week panties. I was a rebel and never got them right…
Have a great day.
Tami
Christine, I have all of the above. Unlike most of you, though, I still feel strongly that thongs are “sometimes” underwear. Vicki and I have the closest relationship, but keep it on the downlow.
As for spanx? The one time I wore them and was feeling all svelte was the time I was asked if I were pregnant. Apparently, they weren’t working as well as I had hoped.
Hi Tami: I even had the matching panty/bra sets for Day of the Week–remember trainer bras? Oh my! Well, I used to love thongs. Wore them a lot, but my hiney can only take so much abuse. Spanx are a necessary evil, but I’m open to HOPE ON A HANGER. Just saying it gives me hope!
Hi Sally: I hear you about the Spanx. I wear the underwear kind and the muffin top just gets higher. I did find a new brand, less binding, that are called Flexies. Well, they’re pretty ugly despite having patterns, but they do hold in the gut so I guess I’ll trot them out and wear them more often. At least I will till I lose weight. I keep saying that next year, if I get to go to Nationals, I will not wear Spanx. But the rolls and loose skin might force me to!
I had to smile reading this post. I went through the exact same undie fazes you and many others have.
I have to resort to Spanx every now and then too, but other than that I wear alot of cotton boy shorts. They’re comfy and don’t show panty lines…most of the time.
I’ll tell you a little secret though, just between *a’hem* you and I, I’m not a sexy teddy or evening gown at night type of gal. I hate wearing nightgowns. So when I snuggle up in bed for sleep, I wear t-shirts and underwear.
One night, years back, I had no clean undies, so I riffled throught my husband’s drawer and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs. I was so comfy in those cotton thigh & nut huggers that night, that I started to swipe Dusty’s underwear on a regular basis. It got to the point where he’d run out of underwear because i had pilferred the (ones without holes in them) every night. So for Valentines day this year, one of my gifts was a huge pack of boxer briefs.
Imagine me ripping open a plastic pack of ten, hugging them to my chest and cooing with delight…while the box of chocolates and roses sat ignored right next to me
Great post!!!
Have a happy, productive day.
Tamara
Hi Tamara: I love love love your husband for getting you the boxer shorts! What a great guy. And you know what? I don’t sleep in sexy nighties either. I’m a T-shirt and undies girl, too. I did buy some cute pajamas for Nationals and the M&M–cheeta print!
Actually, now that I’ve read Tamara’s post I recall that I don’t actually wear Jockey’s anymore but I wear Victoria’ Secret that look like the old jockey pants I used to buy. They’re the plain cotton briefs. When she said boy shorts I realized that I love the look of the Victoria’s Secret ones but they don’t fit right.
Too funny, Christine. Just the thought of thongs makes me wince. And I will die on a Pilates mat before I squish my butt into Spanx. But I sure do love my cotton no-seam Jockeys in all colours of the rainbow. Thanks for the chuckle!
So cute, Christine! I’m in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell phase of panty life. Believe me, no one wants to know. LOL!
Hi Joan: I know. Thongs are wince-type-underwear. Not for the weak of heart!! I haven’t tried Pilates. Must attempt it. Sounds like the program decreases Spanx time
Hi Katherine: Don’t ask don’t tell panty life sounds interesting. I think I might be entering that phase soon!!
I don’t even want to know for myself what is next in the underwear drawer!
Okay, did not come here expecting a panty confessional, but why not? LOL Definitely thongs and sometimes the pretty silky type, though there are times when the Spanx come in handy. Alas, my body doesn’t conform to ‘slinky’ outfits anymore.
Hi Carol: I just couldn’t resist the urge to share my panty confessional LOL. I am a cross panty dresser. And yes, slinky is no longer a dress description for me. I would be “bumpy and lumpy” in a slinky dress.
