.jpg)
Reevaluation of my Inner Peace
A quote from the wrapper of a piece of Dove Milk Chocolate candy ~
Live every day up to your expectations, not others. ~Reena from Brentwood, TN
I have this wrapper tacked to the bulletin board next to my computer monitor at work. I don’t look at it every day, but it does catch my eye on occasion. When it does, it helps to keep me grounded. I have but to read those words and everything I’m doing slides into perspective.
.jpg "www.forwardedjoke.com-2009-08-inner-peace-300x225")
As you have probably guessed, I’m pretty focused (I can see my blog sisters nodding). When I get an idea in my head, I go full throttle in trying to achieve/solve/fix it. What I don’t do often enough is make sure I’m juggling these hats for me. Yes, I’m a wife and mother. Yes, I’m a Program Manager and writer. Yes, I am active in social networking. And most everything I do every day in some way relates to fulfilling a requirement for each one of these hats. Most of my energy and focus is aimed at helping one of these roles thrive. Very seldom am I just ME…
I admit to a few interests that are me. Reading, photography, scrapbook, swimming, running, travel. These interests are all good, but each one has an ulterior motive. I’ve started reading more to see what is out there in the market and how great authors craft their stories. I take pictures of family activities to document our growth. I exercise more to stay fit. When I schedule a trip, it usually revolves around expanding The Kid’s limited boundaries.
Great, but still – Not. Just. ME…
Once I began thinking about this, it really bothered me and I decided my next big task in this Reevaluation journey was to find ME. Or at least to find a tool to help me find myself. Focusing on finding a balance in my life, I came across a book called Life Makeovers by Cheryl Richardson. This book is broken into 52 weeks of homework that ultimately shows you how “making small changes, over time, can have a huge impact on the quality of your life.”
I’m only a few months into the program, but I like how I’m feeling about myself. The hard part is staying with each week and not skipping onto the next assignments once I complete the current task.
.jpg "Thinking-Write by Kelly L Stone")
Another thing I’m looking into is meditation. After attending a writer’s workshop with Kelly L. Stone and participating in a guided meditation exercise, I was thrilled when I was able to do it. The key word here is guided. I’ve never been able to sit and think about nothing. Honestly, I’ve tried it. Many times… But with Kelly talking us through the exercise, I actually found myself having a mental conversation with Nora Roberts. Way too cool.
These are two activities I’m trying as I search for my inner peace. To be honest, since starting this search I have felt a lot better about myself. Of course I’m still not where I ultimately want to be, but I feel that I’m on the right path.
I know there has to be a bunch of other things people do as a way to find that sense of satisfaction about themselves. I would love to hear some of them. As a way to encourage people to come out of lurkdom and comment, I’m offering up a $10 iTunes gift card to one lucky commenter who’s willing to share his or her experience at reconnecting with themselves.
Interested in reading about the other aspects of my Year of Reevaluation? See how I started the 2011 year Reevaluating every part of my life. So far my family and I have tackled:
1) The too big house (see post about the beginning of our reevaluation process)
2) The nonexistent budget.jpg "Yoga-Kitesurf-Retreat")
3) The clutter that has invaded our lives and home
4) Our diet habits and exercise routines (or lack of)
5) Our attempts to reconnect as a family
6) My Career and Job Choices
7) My attempt at taking back my Time
Be sure to stop back by Friday, September 9th for a peak into my birthday plans.
by Tami Brothers
31 comments
Good morning,
I’ve found that everyone sees things from different angles, so when you said that you’re a wife, mother, programmer, etc, & worked at these, but not for you, (and needed to find you), I thought back to my younger days when I walked in your shoes. (wife, mother, accountant) I never needed to “find my inner self” since I felt I was what I was…a wife, mother and everything else.
When the kids moved out, I hung up that hat & focused more on hubby and me; then I retired and hung up that hat and put on a new one…novelist!!!
I’ve never mediation to talk to a spirit guide….well, unless you count God as a spirit guide. (g)
Very interesting post and I’m glad that you’re on a journey to improve areas of your life…I think when we stop doing that, we be begin to slide downhill.
Hi Tami: I am very driven like you are, but my health forced me to slow it down. I read LIFE MAKEOVERS nearly 8 years ago. I did the chapters with a group of friends online. It was great. I revisit this book when I set my goals, review my yearly accomplishments, and reestablish my top priorities. Fabulous book and resource.
I like the exploration within and have mined myself for years. The Road Less Traveled was another book that opened my eyes–years and years ago. I also like the ENNEAGRAM book about personalities, and THE BIOLOGY OF SUCCESS.
I think so many women define themselves by their roles in the world and they can’t just “be” in the moment with themselves. Sandy’s comment made me think that for some women that is who they are, too. It gave me a different perspective. But I know too many women who are walking around in their 40s going what did I do with ME? MY DREAMS? MY 20 YEAR OLD VISIONARY? And that is what spurs them to create a new dream, or revisit one they’ve parked for years.
Keep me posted on your journey. One of the best things about LIFE MAKEOVER is learning that you don’t have to say “yes” to everyone to please them.
Really you don’t.
Our world is always shouting at us & making demands. It takes much strength to find the essence of You- what excites your passions & keeps you alive. ‘No’ can be a powerful tool to help you discern the chaff from your passions. And then ‘Yes’ to learn new things & step outside your comfort zones. It’s a scary thing, &balance is the key to all of it.
You’re a smart cookie. You’ll figure it out!
I enjoyed reading about your life journey. I don’t do much self-analysis or read self-help books. I’ve pretty much enjoyed my life and been satisfied with my career choices. The only thing I’d do differently would be to start writing fiction earlier. My advice would be don’t put anything off because no one can predict the future. I always hear people say I’m going to travel when I retire, etc., and inevitably they don’t make it to retirement.
That’s funny that you saw Nora Roberts when you did the meditation exercise. When we did the exercise at the GRW meeting a couple of people at our table also saw her. I enjoyed that experience.
I guess another thing I would advise and need to do more of myself, is RELAX. I’m very deadline oriented and I can’t do what I want to do unless I’ve met my deadlines. Reading relaxes me so I do a lot of that.
Marilyn, I feel the same way. I wish I’d gone after my dream sooner, but it’s all in good time. I don’t want to be 102 when I get published, but if that’s when it happens, so be it. I’m taking book jacket pictures now LOL.
Tami,
You talked to Nora Roberts; I talked to Agatha Christie. Is that age difference or me wanting to write mysteries one day?
You do amaze me! You must be ultra-organized. I think you know exactly what you want and you are gaining on the goal of making some of it happen – every day.
First of all, before I say anything else, you must know how much in awe of you I am. You’re like Super Woman…and I’m not just saying that.
To accomplish all you have over the years and still smile warmly evertime I see you is amazing in itself.
Instead of reading all of those self-help books YOU SHOULD WRITE ONE!!!
You would be able to offer soooo much to people, you have no idea.
But, I am glad that you read those books and that you added a list for us. I love link lists!!
I also love Kelly Stone. Like you I can’t just sit down and think of nothing…shit like, hmmm a grilled cheese sandwich would go down great right about now, or wow I need to buy another pair of shoes, or where can my hero and heroine do it so that I’m original with my next love scene, pops into my head.
Grrr
But that workshop with Kelly Stone was phenominal!! I talked with Trump.
I need to buy her book.
She also, as someone asked after her workshop, needs to tape herself and sell that. I’d buy that over a pair of shoes any day…well most any day
I adore you Tami! I want to be just like you when I grow up, and I look forward to your smiling face at every meeting
You’re the best.
Have a wonderful, productive weekend!!!!
Tamara
Tami,
You are so focused. I managed to do that in some areas of my life while in others I have no control. I’ve enjoyed the post about your changes. They inspire me.
Tami, I admire your ability to decide to make a change and stick to it! Doing something for myself is an idea that keeps calling me lately. But I’m thinking more about things I’ve always wanted to learn or do. I’ve got my eye on a chef’s class where beginners master knife/cutting skills.
Tami,
You’re on an amazing journey. I love that you set goals and accomplish them. You have no idea how many people can’t. Think New Year resolutions. I believe we can be anything and anyone we choose. Sometimes life and obligations get in the way. But the fact that you stay focused is incredible. You are an amazing woman and I’m glad to know you. I wish you happy growth opposed to the other kind.
BTW: love the quote. One I need to pin up as well. Thanks for sharing.
Despite all our progress as women, it’s still too easy to get wrapped up in focusing only on other people and losing touch with your core. One of my favorite “finding-yourself” books is Barbara Sher’s “Refuse to Choose.” Subtitle: “Use all of your interests, passions, and hobbies to create the life and career of your dreams.” Tami, if you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It’s you.
(I also agree with Tamara. YOU should write a self-help book. You are awesome.)
I don’t really believe in spirit guides, but the first time I did Kelly Stone’s meditation at M&M last year, I saw Nora, too. She was smiling and dressed in a gauzy white robe. But during the meditation at the GRW meeting, Nora kept turning into Janet Evanovich. Not sure what that meant. The most important thing I remember from that meeting: The answers are in you.
Hey Sandy! I hear what you are saying. I do feel like I’m where I need to be in those aspects of my life but I grew up with a mother who totally let that engulf her. She worked hard to put food on the table for us (my dad wasn’t the best at that). Then she changed her whole life to fit with his. If he went to bed at 8 pm (which was almost all the time), then so did she even though she was a night person and ultimately couldn’t go to sleep anyway.
I’m not seeing myself getting anywhere near that bad, but seeing that has been a driving force in making sure I don’t lose sight of ME.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I always love hearing from you.
Tami
Hey Christine! I actually read a blog that referenced this book. Maybe it was yours!!! Loving it so far. It makes me slow down and really think of the things that I have accomplished and come up with specific things I really do want to ultimately do. I’ll definitely look for those others you mentioned. I am always looking for new ones.
I’m currently reading 25 Days to Better Thinking and Better Living by Richard W. Paul, Stress Proof Your Life (52 Brilliant Ideas) by Elisabeth Wilson, and 55 Ways to Meditate: Discover Your True Self by Linda Lavid (all currently free on Amazon at the moment).
I’ll definitely keep you posted on the progress. I love reading yours on your blog as well. And I’m doing my best to learn how to use that “no” word…
Thanks for stopping by!
Tami
Hey Pamela!!! Thanks so much for stopping by. Smart words from a wise woman. The hardest part of all this has been allowing myself to say yes to certain things. Most recently I made a point of saying Yes when fellow blog sisters, Tammy Schubert, Sia Huff, and Susan May invited me to participate in a weekend write-away. I had not been to one before and even though I didn’t get a lot of writing done in those two days, I did find a sense of wellbeing in the fact that I am doing this thing that I love even if it isn’t something that brings in an income (yet). I’ve always shied away from that and only dedicated a few hours here and there (like for the monthly GRW meetings). But I’m learning that by allowing myself to do this thing I love, I’m much happier in other aspects of life. Thanks a ton for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate seeing here and hope we get a chance to chat at the next monthly meeting.
Tami
Hey Marilyn! I sooooo can relate to that deadline oriented. I usually end up beating myself up more than anyone else ever would when I don’t meet those self-imposed deadlines… Funny how we would never do that to anyone else… I LOVE both your suggestions. Relax and don’t put anything off. I did need to hear that.
Have a wonderful day!
Tami
LOL Christine. I bet you’ll be like the energizer bunny even when you are a 102. I can totally see that in you.
Hi Maxine!!!!! Totally the mysteries thing. I believe it’s because for me, I see Nora Roberts as the ultimate goal, where you might see Agatha Christie as that yard stick you measure your success by. Who knows.
I wish I was more organized than I am. Hubby and I were joking just the other day that our house looks incredible (you know, so we can show it to potential buyers at a moment’s notice), but that my closets and drawers need a tad bit more work. I think those closets and drawers represent the parts of myself I’m trying to get a handle on. Wow. Just amazed myself with that analogy. No wonder seeing those things drive me nuts…grin… Love ya girl!
Tami
TAMARA! You rock girl! I will say it every time I see you, you are 150 times more super than I am. I do appreciate you cheering me on, though. I have my superwoman picture hanging next to my desk and it honestly keeps me going at times.
LOL on that meditation thing. That is totally me! And don’t laugh but I have tried to figure out if I could swap out cheeses and if that would make the grilled cheese sandwich better or worse. Kid you not…
Awesome that you talked to Trump. I never would have thought of him. I actually have Kelly’s book on my wish list for Amazon and have it scheduled to buy next payday. I’ve been told she has a CD inside with a recording of her exercise so I’m all for trying it. Can’t wait!!!
Thanks so much for making me feel so great. Totally needed that after the day I had.
Have a terrific weekend.
Tami
Hey Susan! As you can see from the write-away, not so focused. I have a LOT of squirrel moments but I’m beginning to see that some of those distractions have made for the best conversations and bonding between friends. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and experience last weekend. I truly appreciate it. Can’t wait for your book release!!! So excited to read it.
Tami
Hey Debbie! Definitely go for that Chef’s class!!! My sister-in-law went back to school to be a Le Cordon Bleu pastry chef. She LOVES it (so do we since we get to taste a lot of her tests). Hey, you might even be able to use those knife skills in describing a scene in one of your books… Who knows. Might spark some new ideas. Thanks a ton for stopping by!
Tami
Hey Sia!!!! Loved chatting with you this past weekend. Was very nice and I appreciate everything you guys shared. Honestly, I’ve never been good at New Year’s resolutions before. I usually make it to June before I bail on most of them. This is why I looked at reevaluation exercise in a completely different way. I think making myself accountable each month for a blog post was another inspiration…grin… for keeping me on track. Thank you so much for your very kind words. Like I said above, I really needed those after today.
Hugs,
Tami
Hi Linsey!!!! Had not heard of that book. Looking it up on Amazon now. You guys are awesome. I may consider that self-help book. I’ve read enough of them to have an idea on how to get started on one..… Love, Love, Love Nora. I didn’t see the white robe but I did see that kick butt black leather jacket she wears in her In Death books. Not sure on the Janet Evanovich idea. Maybe it has something to do with those fabulous detective stories you write. Maybe subconsciously she’s telling you to look more into those…
Thanks so much for your encouragement. Can’t wait to read this new book you have out. Very exciting!!!
Tami
Tami, thank you so much for sharing your journey and the resources you have found helpful. I started working through LIFE MAKEOVERS in January but dropped the ball a couple of weeks into it; maybe it’s time to pick it back up again. I didn’t have a cool experience like you at Kelly Stone’s workshop but I bought her book and need to try listening to the CD. Pulled in as many directions as we are, it is easy to lose track of who we really are; I have blogged about this myself recently. As my kids get older, though, I am doing better. Like I tell them, I may not be a perfect parent but at least you know who I am.
I think you are a total rock star. I am convinced that your vision, combined with your work ethic, will lead you to success beyond your wildest dreams.
Tami, when I was your age I was looking for a good night’s sleep! Teaching, and helping the Ex in his photography studio, and making time for my daughter, and spending time with parents and sibs let me exhausted.
Writing and tutoring give me peace most of the time. Selling books would be nice!
Hey Pam!!! I wouldn’t say you dropped the ball, girl. I’ve read your blog and followed your progress over the past year and you have done a TON of stuff. The redecorating of your whole house. The beading business. Your piano instruction. Your writing and blogging. Seriously, you have grown considerably. I can’t wait to see more. Let me know how the CD works. I honestly have never been able to do what I did at that meeting. Maybe it was more my hopeful thinking, but I felt pretty good about it. And I don’t know anyone who is the perfect parent. Doing what you do and being a single parent, I think you are amazing. Thanks so much for you encouragement and friendship. I am truly blessed.
Tami
Tami
Tami-
I find peace in writing. Until a couple of months ago, my life was filled with caring for my mother, working full time, exercising when then opportunity presented itself and writing. The writing had dwindled to two days a week.
After my mom passed, I rededicated myself to exercising more and writing everyday.
I take each day as it comes and find something beautiful in it.
Hi Tami,
Just returned from my trip to India and with all the traffic, travel, exhaustion and chaos I’ve realized the inner peace has to initiate from me. For me writing is pure meditation and the gift of peace.
As a family we’ve started practicing yoga since May – all 4 of us. The results are striking. It’s not just any fitness studio yoga program but the Isha Yoga foundation where breathing, meditation and precision are key. The instructor is a guru who has been practicing since he was a teenager. Thanks for sharing this! Lovely read.
Anju
Hey Connie! Thanks so much for stopping by. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I wish you all the very best with your writing and exercising. I like the idea of finding something beautiful in each new day. Thanks for sharing this with us!
Hugs
Tami
Hey Anju! Wow! How you got your whole family to participate is amazing. I would love to get The Kid and hubby involved but I’m thinking they are more the biking kind of guys. Maybe I need to ask though…
LOVE the idea of inner peace initiated from one’s self. Will add that to my list. Glad you made it back from India safe and sound. Can’t wait to read more about your trip!!!
Tami
Well, life got in the way this weekend and I’m just now getting back to post the winner of the iTunes gift card. After consulting my crystal ball…er… the handy random number generator , the winner is Mary Marvella!!!
Thank you all so much for coming over and leaving a comment with your take on finding inner peace. I will definitely be adding a few of those to my lists.
Hugs to all.
Tami