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By Darcy Crowder
As writers, we’re familiar with the turn of phrase “fill the well”. Which means, essentially, feed the creative part of your nature. When your life is filled with deadlines and blank pages, marketing, networking, house-working, bill paying, family, friends and don’t forget volunteering, it’s easy to lose that creative spark that makes it all possible – all worthwhile.
And so, as writers, we need to make time for ourselves – not find time – make time. Because time is the one thing that will never wait. You either make the deliberate decision to do something or you don’t. Either way, time moves on.
But this isn’t about a writer filling the creative well. This is about taking the time to fill the marriage well. We all know relationships have to be nurtured. But as we get older, more set in our ways and routines, swept away on the tide of demands of life, like anything else, we can take each other for granted.
We need to make time to fill the well.
Keep it fresh. Surprise each other.
Fall in love over and over again.
In the past year, my husband and I have gone camping next to a remote mountain stream, celebrated our anniversary over a long weekend in a beautiful, historical town, and laughed till our sides hurt while dancing like kids at a wedding. Now, these might seem like ordinary, common occurrences to some of you. But not for us. These were all first time adventures together. We’ve created plenty of family memories over the years, but we realized there haven’t been that many “just the two of us” moments in our life. And in the spirit of filling our relationship well, we’re making more time for us.
Time to have adventures. Time to explore each other.
Just a few weeks ago we bought two kayaks and spent the afternoon paddling around the nearby lake. It was so relaxing and peaceful. And so much fun! A small v of Canadian Geese flew so close overhead that we could hear the whooshing of the wind beneath their wings. I’ll never forget it. Not only did we fill our marriage well, but also our creative wells. The best of both worlds.
So what about you? What are you doing these days to fill that marriage well? Or whatever relationship you find yourself in. Anything extra fun and creative you want to share? And in the spirit of creativity, leave a comment to be entered into a drawing for a handmade (by moi) beaded gemstone bracelet!
by Darcy Crowder
18 comments
Good morning Darcy,
I think you’re right on target. We need to invest in those around us who are most important to us.
Hubby and I have been alone for over twenty years now….OMG that makes me sound older than I am!!!!
Anyway, over these years, we found it easy to get into ruts where we did our own thing and came together at meals. (we’ve been retired almost 7 years), especially when I closet myself to write. We quickly learned we had to MAKE time to have fun together & be willing to invest in each other like we invested in the kids when they were young.
We watch movies, do 3-D puzzles, get excited about a night at a hotel, go for walks in the woods and dance in the kitchen when a memorable song comes on the stereo.
Living life to the fullest is a choice…and well worth the effort.
Nice post Darcy. It’s great you and hubby are rediscovering each other. I hope you have many more “laugh til your sides hurt” moments.
I agree. This is a great post and a nice reminder. Hubby and I were married over 7 years before having The Kid. We thought we had that time to be us and that we wouldn’t forget how to be just us. Unfortunately, us has a way of falling through the cracks. Now when we do have an us moment, we usually end up discussing something to do with The Kid. Never fails.
We are in that rut and I think we need to make a conscious effort to change that. Easier said than done. But a worth-while project indeed.
Tami
Hi Darcy!! Wow, this hits close to home. BG and I spend so much time running in opposite directions, sometimes, I feel like we’re just roommates. We’re trying to make lifestyle changes to fix that, but, ugh, it’s hard and makes me feel like I’m being selfish by concentrating on my marriage instead of my job or other commitments. Thanks for the post!! See you next weekend!!
So true. We all have jobs, kids, errands. It’s hard to fit time in for just the two of you. Love to give some hints, but we’re working on it just like anyone else.
I did read an article that said that the happiest couples are those who are engaged followed closely by empty nesters. The most unhappy couples? Those with small children. The idea was to know that you’re not alone and that things would get better if you kept working at it.
I am between relationships right now (that is, unless I am destined to remain forever single, which just might be the case) but I believe that everything you said is true. I think this applies to relationships with teenage children, too; I have my work and my hobbies, they have school and their friends, and if we don’t make a genuine effort to get together we simply don’t. Thanks for a great post!
Sandy – as you know, we are half-way to being empty nesters ourselves. It’s amazing when you look back over the stages of your life and ponder those to come. And dancing in the kitchen….isn’t it wonderful?
Tami – We did the opposite, had kids early on. All part of the grand plan to be where we are now in life having our alone time. It is a struggle to keep “the kids” out of those quiet moments of conversation, especially when that’s all you can think about sometimes.
Hi Romily! It is certainly a balancing act. Sometimes I try to think of the kind of little romantic thing I’d like to write in a book, and then actually do it. You know, like research.
Sally – At least the article said couples with small children…but that’s also such a precious time. It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Have you tried the whole kid swapping thing? You know, find a friend with kids and take turns keeping all of them for a night so you each get a night without kids once in a while? We actually never had that work out for us, but I was lucky enough to have in-laws that lived in a fun place, so when we went to visit, we could sneak off for a few hours of alone time while the grandparents took over. Thank God for little blessings.
Sia – It was a fun night.
We love to dance at home, but joke about how it’s mostly just turning in circles. LOL. Maybe one of these days we’ll take those ballroom dancing lessons we always joke about.
Oh, Pam, I agree about making time with the kids. Now that my son is married and working full time it’s so hard. Grab every minute you can while he still lives with you! And I don’t think anyone is meant to be alone…unless they want to be, and even then I’m not sure I buy it. The hopeless romantic in me, I guess. Keep your heart open and when the time is right, someone will come into your life. And he’ll be the lucky one.
Darcy, you have such a gift for making me cry. You had me at “Fall in love over and over again.” Oh, how true. Lately, I’ve been hearing about couples who are having terrible problems. I had to take a few minutes today to find my hubby in the house, give him a hug, and tell him how blessed we are.
One thing we’ve practiced for years – every day, no matter what, we each say “I love you” to the other at least once (usually more). Those three little words can do wonders. It’s a phrase that never gets trite. Both parties have to participate for it to work, of course.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Linsey, you’re so sweet. I know what you mean about being reminded how blessed you are. I’ve had the same thing happen recently, and realized for all the ups and downs over the years, we’ve actually been very fortunate to have each other.
My husband and I took a trip a few years back and it was the first time we had been off togehter just the two of us in 22 years. I was nice to find that we still liked each other. We have done others since then and really have a great time.
Darcy,
A day late, but I really enjoyed your post. We’ve been married almost 37 years – yes, I married when I was 12. We have no children. I was afraid we’d grow apart, but we seem closer now than ever – and it just keeps getting better. We have Friday as our “date night” which is dinner out, wine and talking and laughing throughout the evening. It’s wonderful. Gonna miss my date this Friday!
I think you and your husband certainly have the right idea!
Susan! I can’t believe with how much you travel that it took 22 years to get away together. Good for you. It only took us 24! LOL.
Maxine – 37 years of marriage and you still have date night – gotta love that! Way to go girl.
And the winner of the gemstone bracelet is….Romily Bernard!