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Ten Things I’ll Never Do Again

 

Me running my first and last half marathon

Me running my first and last half marathon

My bucket list goes on for miles. But since I plan to live to be 105 and die in a fiery plane crash coming home from someplace exotic, I fully intend to check every item off. That said, there are ten things I have done in my life that I will never do again. Here they are.

1. Eat raw oysters on the half shell. Or spinach out of a can.

Frankly, I don’t understand why anyone does. However, I am quite fond of escargot and freshly cooked spinach. Both with lots of garlic.

2. Visit a chain hair salon.

A mediocre haircut is bad enough; I have suffered much worse. After my last tear-inducing experience, I went on a quest to find the World’s Greatest Hairdresser, and now that I have found her, I would follow her to the ends of the earth. I trust her completely and she is worth every penny she charges, especially considering that she doubles as a therapist. If she ever retires, I may simply let my hair go gray and wear it in a bun on the back of my head.

3. Ride a roller coaster.

I love the experience, but I walked away from my last roller coaster ride with the worst headache I have ever experienced. I can live without the thrill. But I haven’t got time for the pain.

4. Be a vegetarian.

I tried it for a couple of years, but I missed salmon, hot wings, and bacon. And even though there are self-proclaimed “vegetarians” who do eat fish and chicken, I can’t get anyone else to agree that bacon is merely a condiment. And every now and then, this girl just needs a couple of slices of crispy bacon with her scrambled eggs and hash browns.

5. Run a half marathon.

The one I finished was a great experience – until my right knee blew out somewhere around Mile 10. Now I am content to simply walk. And 10K is plenty far enough, thank you very much.

6. Drink a dirty martini.

I’m okay with vodka and I love olives. However, in my humble opinion they should not share a glass.

7. Go to a music concert without a designated seat.

Stand in a crowd for hours and hours? I would rather stay home and listen to the CD.

8. Sit in a sauna.

Put me on a sunny beach, at a fourth of July barbecue, or in a bubbly hot tub and I will sweat grinning from ear to ear. I do not, however, see the point of a sauna.

9. Own a pet.

I love my dog. But I have spent the past 26 years raising children and sharing responsibility for their assorted pets. So after my youngest (almost 18) leaves the nest and my pup goes to doggy heaven (in the far-distant future) I am done having anyone or anything ultimately dependent on me.

10. Be anything other than who I am just to please someone else.

Happily, I recently met a guy who loves me unconditionally and just as I am. Now that I know what that feels like, I could never settle for anything less.

What about you? Is there anything you’ve done before that you vow never to do again?

Marilyn Baron - January 20, 2014 - 7:22 am

Great post. I agree with you about roller coasters. And especially point 10.

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 8:41 am

I couldn’t have written this blog post even a month ago, Marilyn! :-)

Julee J. Adams - January 20, 2014 - 9:55 am

There with you, sister. And no, you couldn’t have written this post even a month ago. Shedding a tear because I’m so proud and relieved. Life is too short. Right?

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 11:01 am

Much, MUCH too short, Julee. I am so thankful for your friendship and support! :-)

Susan Carlisle - January 20, 2014 - 11:57 am

Pam,
You are too funny. I’m not going to have any more children. I love the ones I have but four is enough. I’m not going to hike across Iwo Jama again. Once is plenty of hot and sand. I do admire the men that had to when people were shooting at them. I’m not teaching another person to drive. I’ve done most of that 3 times and though I was going to day everytime I got in the car.
At least on something we can both say that we have been there and done that and have the t-shirt. Good enough!

Carol Burnside - January 20, 2014 - 5:21 pm

I’m with you on the roller coaster. However, I love raw oysters on the half shell. Ditto on the escargot w/garlic!

I didn’t think a sauna was my thing until I was on a strict exercise regimen about a decade ago. OMG, sitting in a sauna can help the muscle tissues release lactic acid and reduces soreness. Very advantageous when you dread hurting for two days after a workout! So, I can’t say I’d never do it again because I need to exercise in the worst way, but I’d PREFER a hot tub soak to accomplish the same thing. lol

Walt Mussell - January 20, 2014 - 8:52 pm

I love roller coasters. Can’t imagine doing without them.

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 9:20 pm

I’m not going to have any more children either, Susan. And I have told my children I have no intention of raising any of theirs either. ;-)

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 9:21 pm

The hot tub I get, Carol. But I would rather suffer the muscle soreness than sit in the sauna!

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 9:21 pm

I miss them, Walt. At least I have my memories!

Maxine - January 20, 2014 - 10:10 pm

Pam, I am so happy you found unconditional love! I think that covers everything! Happy with my life. Sure would like to make a few changes, but I’ll work on those quietly. Enjoyed your post!

Pam Asberry - January 20, 2014 - 11:09 pm

I saved the best for last, Maxine! Glad you enjoyed my post today!

Connie Gillam - January 21, 2014 - 8:42 am

Funny post!

I’m not going to walk up to the Great Wall of China again. Once is enough. The view was great but the hike seemed to take years. And we won’t talk about the bob sled down.

Pam Asberry - January 21, 2014 - 9:23 am

What a cool thing to have done, Connie! And why would you even need to do it again? ;-)

Anonymous - January 22, 2014 - 2:29 pm

Haha! I love this post!

YAY for the not being a vegetarian!! After spending way to much of my life a strict vegan, I will never do it again! We might need to cut down on our meat portions as a general population, but eliminating meat altogether is just not good for me.

I can’t believe I am saying this, but this last year, I came to the same conclusion on the pet topic. My life before children was dedicated to the subject of pets. Then my children were my world. I guess I have just been there and done that with the pets and children! Love them, but now its time for me!

And the last item should always stay true! Good for you!

Jennifer :)

Pam Asberry - January 22, 2014 - 4:23 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Jennifer! And for being such an awesome friend! :-)

Sia Huff - January 22, 2014 - 6:07 pm

Good for you, Pam. I agree, not every experience is worth repeating. There are a few things I’d like to say I wouldn’t do again, but I don’t like to tempt fate. :)

Pam Asberry - January 23, 2014 - 9:22 am

I see your point, Sia! But I am certain enough of these ten things that I am willing to take the risk! ;-)

Steven Heath - January 25, 2014 - 7:00 pm

I have an idea! Be the creator of bacontarianism! Vegetarian meals with a healthy (ahem) dose of bacon, lol.

Pam Asberry - January 26, 2014 - 10:20 am

And if I want to eat fish too? Pescabacontarianism! LOL! Thanks, Steve!

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