By Marilyn Baron
It’s rant time again. Every year, I get fed up with the spam on my email and save some priceless messages to share with you. Here are some of my most insane scam e-mails.
GOOD NEWS from a Barrister in an undisclosed location. “VIEW THE ATTACH LETTER AND GET BACK TO ME.” If the barrister’s bad grammar didn’t alert me, it was the file waiting to be opened to infect my computer. No, Mr. Barrister, I am not going to download your file!
Or this one.
Open attachment and read from Gen. Ray.
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope This mail meets you in a perfect condition.
I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.
But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque out of the company to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture.
Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $1,000,000.00(One Million United States Of American Dollars) in respect to your lottery winnings Compensation.
I have authorized the finance house in the UK where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank.
My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque is as follows.
Then he goes on to list the name and email of the contact agent. While I would like to win “One Million Unted States Of American Dollars,” I know there’s no such thing as a free lunch. And I wish these scammers would at least hire a professional to edit their letters.
Am writing to inform you that you have an ATM Master
CARD that worth sum of $1.2 US Dollars, here in our DHL Express Courier Company,
so kindly reconfirms your full information to avoid wrong delivery and for more
(1) Full names:_________
(2) Phone line: _________
(3) Country of origin: ______
(4) Age: _____________
(5) Occupation: __________
(6) Home address: _________
No thank you, Dear. I think I’ll pass.
Then there was the message from Canadian Drugs about how I can score huge savings on the best drugs.
Or this one addressed to the Agency of Record
WARNING (Will Robinson): We found that you are OVERPAYING!
It wasn’t clear what I was overpaying for or what I was supposed to do about it.
Or this e-mail from PLEASE CLARIFY.
This is to inform all the Inheritance funds payment beneficiaries who have yet to receive their long overdue payment,View the attached files for more details
Or another one from Mr. George Smith
PLEASE VIEW ATTACHED FILE
Or Hi, I have a business proposal for you, There are no risks involved. Pls reply
No risks? Ha! I’m beginning to sense a pattern here. No information. Download File. They must think I was born in a turnip patch.
Or how about this?
Please open the attached file and have knowledge of how your fund ($30 Million
United State Dollars) will be delivered to you through diplomatic delivery.
And perhaps my favorite:
I write to inform you that we have concluded all needed arrangement with the UN Diplomatic Courier Company to ship your consignment box fund valued $3.1M. This money is for the compensation of scam victims as agreed with the federal gorvenment and United nations.
As for my agreement with the UN DIPLOMATIC COURIER COMPANY Director, He promised that your consignment box will leave this Country as soon as they hear from you. Your fund is in United State currency and in $100 bills.
Note: The diplomatic company does not know the original contents of the boxes for security reason. It was declared to them as Sensitive Photographic Film Materials. Please, on his arrival to your country and the agent calls you and asking you the contents, kindly tell him the same thing Ok. You should contact the courier company and forward them your details as below:
Your full name…
Your nearest Airport….
The person you will contact is below:
I shall forward you all other details when am less busy. You should make sure you contact Dr. Johnson and forward him your full details to enable them proceed today. They are waiting to hear from you asap.
I wouldn’t want to bother George while he’s busy scamming other people.
And this one ranks right up there:
I am sending you this email on behalf of Mrs. Jenny Bishop and in regards to her last wish.
She has decided to will her inheritance to you for Humanitarian work and your personal use.
For more information you are to contact her attorney on email address:
And of course there are the emails about burial insurance. Do they know something I don’t know?
And those were just the emails from February. And don’t get me started on standing in lines out the door at the post office with only two people at their stations.
Well, I’ve wasted enough time on these silly emails. Now, it’s back to writing. Can you top these?
This Saturday, March 8th from 1 p.m.-3 p.m, come say hello to me, Linda Joyce and Melissa Klein at Hiram Books for a booksigning and reading http://www.marilynbaron.com/appearancesmedia/.
Marilyn is a public relations consultant in Atlanta. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America and Georgia Romance Writers (GRW) and the recipient of the GRW 2009 Chapter Service Award. She writes humorous women’s fiction, romantic thrillers/suspense, historicals and paranormal. She has won writing awards in Single Title, Suspense Romance and Paranormal/Fantasy Romance. She and her sister, Sharon Goldman, just released a play about Alzheimer’s called Memory Lane. You can find out more about Marilyn’s books and short stories and listen to a medley of the music from Memory Lane on her Web site at www.marilynbaron.com or view it on YouTube at http://youtu.be/Hgi_mIdt5MA.