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It’s That Rant Time of Year

By Marilyn Baron

It’s rant time again. Every year, I get fed up with the spam on my email and save some priceless messages to share with you. Here are some of my most insane scam e-mails.

GOOD NEWS from a Barrister in an undisclosed location. “VIEW THE ATTACH LETTER AND GET BACK TO ME.” If the barrister’s bad grammar didn’t alert me, it was the file waiting to be opened to infect my computer. No, Mr. Barrister, I am not going to download your file!

Or this one.

Open attachment and read from Gen. Ray.

Dear Friend

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope This mail meets you in a perfect condition.

I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.

But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque out of the company to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture.

Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $1,000,000.00(One Million United States Of American Dollars) in respect to your lottery winnings Compensation.

I have authorized the finance house in the UK where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank.

My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque is as follows.

COMPENSATION OFFICER
CONTACT AGENT

Then he goes on to list the name and email of the contact agent. While I would like to win “One Million Unted States Of American Dollars,” I know there’s no such thing as a free lunch. And I wish these scammers would at least hire a professional to edit their letters.

Hello Dear,
Am writing to inform you that you have an ATM Master
CARD that worth sum of $1.2 US Dollars, here in our DHL Express Courier Company,
so kindly reconfirms your full information to avoid wrong delivery and for more
information needed.
(1) Full names:_________
(2) Phone line: _________
(3) Country of origin: ______
(4) Age: _____________
(5) Occupation: __________
(6) Home address: _________

No thank you, Dear. I think I’ll pass.

Then there was the message from Canadian Drugs about how I can score huge savings on the best drugs.

Or this one addressed to the Agency of Record

WARNING (Will Robinson): We found that you are OVERPAYING!

It wasn’t clear what I was overpaying for or what I was supposed to do about it.

Or this e-mail from PLEASE CLARIFY.

This is to inform all the Inheritance funds payment beneficiaries who have yet to receive their long overdue payment,View the attached files for more details

Or another one from Mr. George Smith

PLEASE VIEW ATTACHED FILE

Or  Hi, I have a business proposal for you, There are no risks involved. Pls reply
for briefs.

No risks? Ha! I’m beginning to sense a pattern here. No information. Download File. They must think I was born in a turnip patch.

Or how about this?

Please open the attached file and have knowledge of how your fund ($30 Million
United State Dollars) will be delivered to you through diplomatic delivery.

And perhaps my favorite:

Attention:

I write to inform you that we have concluded all needed arrangement with the UN Diplomatic Courier Company to ship your consignment box fund valued $3.1M. This money is for the compensation of scam victims as agreed with the federal gorvenment and United nations.

As for my agreement with the UN DIPLOMATIC COURIER COMPANY Director, He promised that your consignment box will leave this Country as soon as they hear from you. Your fund is in United State currency and in $100 bills.

Note: The diplomatic company does not know the original contents of the boxes for security reason. It was  declared to them as Sensitive Photographic Film Materials. Please, on his arrival to your country and the agent calls you and asking you the contents, kindly tell him the same thing Ok. You should contact the courier company and forward them your details as below:

Your full name…

Address…

Direct telephone…

Your nearest  Airport….

Registration code:

The person you will contact is below:

I shall forward you all other details when am less busy. You should make sure you contact Dr.  Johnson and forward him your full details to enable them proceed today. They are waiting to hear from you asap.

Regards

George

I wouldn’t want to bother George while he’s busy scamming other people.

And this one ranks right up there:

Hi dear,
I am sending you this email on behalf of Mrs. Jenny Bishop and in regards to her last wish.
She has decided to will her inheritance to you for Humanitarian work and your personal use.

For more information you are to contact her attorney on email address:

And of course there are the emails about burial insurance. Do they know something I don’t know?

And those were just the emails from February. And don’t get me started on standing in lines out the door at the post office with only two people at their stations.

Well, I’ve wasted enough time on these silly emails. Now, it’s back to writing. Can you top these?

This Saturday, March 8th from 1 p.m.-3 p.m, come say hello to me, Linda Joyce and Melissa Klein at Hiram Books for a booksigning and reading http://www.marilynbaron.com/appearancesmedia/.

Marilyn is a public relations consultant in Atlanta. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America and Georgia Romance Writers (GRW) and the recipient of the GRW 2009 Chapter Service Award. She writes humorous women’s fiction, romantic thrillers/suspense, historicals and paranormal. She has won writing awards in Single Title, Suspense Romance and Paranormal/Fantasy Romance. She and her sister, Sharon Goldman, just released a play about Alzheimer’s called Memory Lane. You can find out more about Marilyn’s books and short stories and listen to a medley of the music from Memory Lane on her Web site at www.marilynbaron.com or view it on YouTube at http://youtu.be/Hgi_mIdt5MA.

 

Pam Asberry - March 4, 2014 - 8:29 am

LOL, Marilyn! I don’t even bother reading those emails anymore. There is also an email scam involving piano teachers specifically. I have been the target of that a couple of times. I actually exchanged a couple of emails with the writer the first time, before I figured out what was going on. Now it’s common knowledge. Yikes!

Connie Gillam - March 4, 2014 - 8:59 am

Thankfully, I get very few of those scams. The only one I can remember is an email telling me there were unclaimed funds waiting for me at some bank. Just send…

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 9:45 am

Pam,

I only read them this time because I saved them for this blog. Now I know just to delete them. I can’t believe there is a specific piano teacher scam. There are so many schemes, hackers, etc. in this world it’s hard to believe. Someone the other day who I really didn’t know but whose name was familiar from an online writers group, Friended me on Facebook and I Friended her back. Then I got an email saying someone was friending people on her behalf, not her, so I unfriended her. Thanks for commenting.

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 9:46 am

Connie,
Unclaimed funds. That’s probably the biggest scam or the one where the friend (or someone using the friend’s name) is stuck in Europe with no money and has to get home. I might have fallen for that except I knew that person wasn’t in Europe.

Maxine - March 4, 2014 - 9:52 am

Those are funny, Marilyn. Glad you are smart enough to ignore! I get a few, but mostly I get email from every store in town. Going to figure out how to block them soon

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 11:22 am

Maxine,
I’m not that smart. I did fall for a Phishing scam with PayPal but think I caught it in time. I get a lot of store emails, too, maybe not scams but way too many.

Sia Huff - March 4, 2014 - 1:33 pm

Marilyn, I’m with Connie on “unclaimed funds” scam. It’s a shame people feel they need to get money that way.

Laura Strickland - March 4, 2014 - 2:03 pm

Marilyn, These are priceless! Almost makes me want to read mine instead of checking the boxes beside them and hitting “delete”. Almost.

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 2:26 pm

Sia,

The fact that the scammers are offering millions should alert people that their schemes are false. I think it’s horrible that people think it’s okay to trick others out of their money.

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 2:28 pm

Laura,

Thanks for commenting. Yes, these are outrageous, aren’t they? Now that I’ve written this blog I can just hit delete, delete, delete. But I know there will always be more where they came from.

Sandy Elzie - March 4, 2014 - 2:28 pm

Marilyn,
Sometimes I wonder how so many weird-0s can get my address. Love your sense of humor…oh, and BTW, I don’t open attachments either.

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 2:52 pm

Sandy,

I try never to open them but I’m afraid some people might open them accidentally if they’re not on the lookout for fraud. I don’t know how people get my address either. Must be list sharing.

Walt Mussell - March 4, 2014 - 8:22 pm

I think they’re funny at times. Some of them are original. However, I do laugh at the constant spelling errors.

Of course, being a guy in a romance writers group, I get a lot of interesting spam.

Marilyn Baron - March 4, 2014 - 9:14 pm

Walt,

I never thought about you getting romance spam.

I just got another one a few minutes ago.

I am Liu Chang, an account manager in Wing Hang Bank of Hong Kong, a licensed banks incorporated in Hong Kong, Asia. I am getting in touch with you regarding my late client who died here in Asia without a next of kin and an investment worth millions of dollars placed in our bank some years ago and you bear the same last name with the deceased.

Kindly get back to me if you are interested in partnering with me on this project.

What a coincidence. I have the same name as the deceased.

Calisa Rhose - March 6, 2014 - 1:21 pm

LOL Those are good, Marilyn! I get some like that and a lot from Barclay bank informing me my account has been compromised. I don’t bank with Barclay… In fact, all of my money related accounts (that I don’t have) are often compromised. :) The ones that inform me my PayPal and other accounts have been hacked. Oh, and I regularly send money via PayPal to other people I’ve never heard of and emails of others I don’t know have been added to my PP account. These don’t even count all the many millions of dollars I’ve won! What I could do with all of that money.

But my personal favorites are all the little bored housewives and other sex kittens out there (who won’t tell my wife) and all their dirty little tricks they want to do to me… Wha?? I get the distinct impression they mean to send those to my husband. Busted! LOL

Calisa Rhose - March 6, 2014 - 1:24 pm

And look. Mr. Chang is willing to ‘share’ your inheritance with you! Generous soul, that one. I get his emails all the time, too. How coincidental we share the same last name, too, Marilyn!

Mariiyn Baron - March 6, 2014 - 2:54 pm

Calisa,

And I just got this one today. It may be the best of all.

I wish to notify you that late Gianni Agnelli made a WILL in your name before his death as a beneficiary of his Will. He left the sum of sixty Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars (US$60, 500,000.00) to you in the Codicil and last testament to his Will. This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, more proof and details will be sent to you upon your responses back to us. You are advised to contact Hollis Grey Chambers via our personal email address

Woo hoo! $60 million. Yes, that does sound strange and unbelievable to me. I wonder what the proof and details consist of.

I also got the PayPal scam and almost fell for it.

Thanks for commenting.

Calisa Rhose - March 7, 2014 - 12:35 pm

WOOT! We can drink a lot of wine with $60M! LOL I forgot my all time favorite head scratchers, Marilyn. I got another this morning: We can make you bigger!

OK, I don’t want to be ‘bigger’. Not in the area they mean! I also don’t want hair on my chest. lol

Carol Burnside / Annie Rayburn - March 9, 2014 - 5:06 am

I’m not even going to get started. My rant would probably equal yours. LOL!

Marilyn Baron - March 9, 2014 - 8:24 pm

Calisa,
I just got another one today. They just keep on coming.
Carol, I know.

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