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If you don’t ask, the answer is always no

By Pam Asberry

Pam & Mark

A couple of weeks ago I submitted an application to join a group on a classical music tour of England as their “travel scholar.” The finalists were announced on Saturday; sadly, I didn’t make the cut. But I gave it my best shot. And if I hadn’t tried, I would have always wondered, “What if?”

Because the truth is that most of the time, when my heart is in the right place and I ask with good intention, the answer is “yes.” For example, way back in 2005, I subscribed to another piano teacher’s newsletter and read her interview with Oregon-based pianist and composer David Nevue. I learned that he enjoys working with piano students, occasionally doing hands-on interpretive workshops with them. Since he lives so far away it seemed like a long-shot, but I decided to ask him if he might like to come to the Atlanta area sometime and hear some of my wonderful students perform his music. To my surprise and delight, he was open to the possibility. We quickly laid the groundwork, and made plans for him to travel to Atlanta. That September, he did an afternoon workshop for a group of my students, and an evening concert at PianoWorks in Duluth, Georgia. Both were very successful. Since then, he has been back  numerous times, even bringing other artists, including the legendary David Lanz, with him. Many lives have been enriched by these events, and they all started with one simple question.

Now for my big news. About two and a half years ago, I published a list of 100 things I wanted in a a man. On December first, I met someone who is all those things and more. Well, he isn’t much of a cook, but he loves taking me out to eat. And I don’t think he particularly enjoys yard work, but he is happy to pay someone else to do it. Close enough! On February seventh, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes.

Is there something your heart desires but you are afraid to ask? I say go for it! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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Carol Burnside - March 17, 2014 - 3:43 am

Your title is spot-on, Pam. I admire you for continuing to put yourself out there and being tenacious. You and your man look so happy in that picture, that I can’t help smiling back at your likeness.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 7:24 am

Thank you so much, Carol. And yes, Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you and everyone! I have been so preoccupied I almost forgot all about it! Ha!

Linda - March 17, 2014 - 9:07 am

I will always enjoy hearing my daughter play a Dave Nevue’s piece since your introduction.(even if it’s only once a year, now).
And the story of finding a man with most of your 100 most desirable traits is priceless!

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 9:49 am

It makes me very happy to know that Summer still enjoys playing her David Nevue music for you. Thank you so much for sharing that with me!

Marilyn Baron - March 17, 2014 - 10:57 am


I saw the ring Saturday and I’m very excited for you. I do remember your list and the new man in your life sounds like a keeper. So congratulations. You deserve it.

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 11:00 am

I will admit I love showing off my ring, Marilyn. I have never been spoiled the way this man spoils me. I feel so incredibly lucky! :-)

Emily Sewell - March 17, 2014 - 4:20 pm

I’m sorry I missed your ring on Saturday, Pam. Hopefully I can sneak a peek at another meeting. Congratulations on your engagement (the two of you look very happy!) and thanks for the reminder that “no” is a given if you fail to ask.

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 4:28 pm

I will be happy to show you my ring in April, Emily! Thank you so much for stopping by today. :-)

Maxine - March 17, 2014 - 4:38 pm

Pam, I’m so very happy for you! You and your new man look so happy. He is so very lucky! I can’t wait to see the ring! Enjoyed the post!

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 4:53 pm

Thanks a million, Maxine! I am SO happy I can’t stop smiling!

Walt Mussell - March 17, 2014 - 9:05 pm

Pam, congrats on your great news. It’s wonderful to hear.

Susan Carlisle - March 17, 2014 - 9:33 pm

I’m so tickled for you. I do ask for what I want. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 11:13 pm

Thanks, Walt!

Pam Asberry - March 17, 2014 - 11:14 pm

You go, Susan!

Connie Gillam - March 18, 2014 - 9:30 am


Congratulations again, and the ring is beautiful.

As for asking for what I want, I haven’t done enough of that lately. I need to get back to it.

Pam Asberry - March 18, 2014 - 12:32 pm

And don’t ask for something small, Connie. Ask for something really, really BIG! :-)

Sia Huff - March 18, 2014 - 5:21 pm

I have to admit it, Pam. I hate asking for things I want. I usually go get them myself. But I’m getting better at asking. It’s great about your piano workshop for your students. Of course, it’s fabulous about your engagement. Good reason to keep asking. :)

Pam Asberry - March 18, 2014 - 7:16 pm

It isn’t enough to simply ask, Sia; you have to follow through in order to make things happen. So I’m going to keep asking for what I want, and keep putting myself out there. :-)

Sandra Elzie - March 18, 2014 - 7:39 pm

You two are an adorable looking couple. Congrats in a huge way and may all your troubles be in the past. Love ya, girl.

Pam Asberry - March 18, 2014 - 8:09 pm

I will tell him you said so, Sandy, and I hope
you’re right about the rest too!

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