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Single Again

By Pam Asberry

heartA broken engagement is 100% better than a broken marriage.

~ Unknown

Yep, you guessed it. My engagement is off.

Since our break-up in June, I have been playing the tape of our six months together over and over in my head, trying to pinpoint exactly what went wrong and what we might have done differently to get our happily-ever-after ending. I think it is fair to say that we both had issues at various times but chose to move forward regardless; in the end, there just wasn’t enough glue to bind the relationship permanently.

As much as I loved wearing that beautiful diamond engagement ring, there came a day when it was blatantly obvious that there was no point in keeping it on my finger any longer.

But I would be lying if I said this has been easy. The day after we said good-bye, I did nothing besides cry, sleep and cry some more. Thankfully, my friends and family have been totally supportive, and I have basked in their words of comfort and love. To help speed the healing process, I have indulged in a pedicure, some retail therapy and several girls’ nights out. I have tried a new healing practice, made lists of things that make me happy, created a new vision board, and listened to lots and lots of music. Yes, things could definitely be worse.

I have good days and bad days; on a good day, my mood shifts from one of mourning to one of celebration. What if he and I had ignored the issues and gone through with a wedding, only for our incompatibilities to become rifts resulting in a divorce? So much better to figure it out now, right? That is a cause for joy, not sorrow. So I am grateful for all that I learned from the experience and ready to move on the next chapter of my life – which includes a minimum of six months of being alone.  I have big plans and lots to look forward to in the days, weeks and months ahead and look forward to sharing my progress with you here.

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Marilyn Baron - July 17, 2014 - 12:22 am

I’m sorry you had to go through this but you have a good attitude and when you’re ready I know there is someone out there who will be perfect for you.

Carol Burnside - July 17, 2014 - 1:30 am

Marilyn said it well, Pam. My sentiments exactly. We’re all giving you cyber hugs and wishing you the happiness you so deserve. Those single months are important. Love and take care of yourself. You’ll know when you’re ready to get out there again.

Sandy Elzie - July 17, 2014 - 6:48 am

I’m proud of you for having the guts to take off the rose-colored glasses and face life as it really is…and thank goodness it was before, not after, the wedding bells. Breaking up any relationship isn’t fun, but divorce is hell.

Like Carol, sending you a cyber hug and a pat on the back for bouncing well. Better days await…go forth and enjoy them.

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 8:49 am

To be honest, Marilyn, I am beginning to wonder whether or not there *IS* anybody out there for me. If not, I am willing to accept it and will make the most of being single. :-)

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 8:51 am

Keep those cyber hugs coming, Carol! I need every one of them!

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 8:53 am

Having experienced it thirteen years ago, Sandy, I can confirm that divorce is hell. Before I get married again, I want to be absolutely certain that it is for keeps.

Maxine Davis - July 17, 2014 - 11:07 am

Pam, Bless your heart, I am so vey sorry, but I’ll tell you something, I do believe you are one strong lady! I know it has been rough and there will still be rough patches, but I also really believe you will come through this much stronger – and happier. You are in my prayers.

Anonymous - July 17, 2014 - 11:24 am

So sorry, Pam. I hope love surprises you when you’re not looking one day soon! Take care, and carry on. You are one tough and wonderful woman!

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 11:46 am

Thanks, Maxine! I’m just taking it one day at a time…

Piper - July 17, 2014 - 12:56 pm

I’ve been through a broken engagement before myself and it does take some time to come around. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. One day, you’ll look up and find yourself in a new, but pleasing circumstance. Blessings to you.

Debbie Kaufman - July 17, 2014 - 1:03 pm

I’m so sorry. I know it will look better down the road, but I also know that despite the encouragement and understanding, there must be times it is just still awful.

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 9:09 pm

Thank you so much, Anonymous! One never knows…

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 9:11 pm

That means a lot, Piper. This is actually my SECOND broken engagement since my divorce – sigh – so I know that time really does heal the wound, although there is still a scar remaining…

Pam Asberry - July 17, 2014 - 9:12 pm

That is so true, Debbie. But every day I feel a little bit stronger. :-)

Anonymous - July 18, 2014 - 3:50 pm

I don’t know the circumstances, but from reading your other posts you seemed happy and in love. True love never dies – but sometimes needs a reset! My husband and I broke up during our engagement, but we talked and worked out what was wrong – and we just celebrated our 28th year of marriage. Best of luck to you.

Pam Asberry - July 18, 2014 - 10:57 pm

Thanks, Anonymous! The outcome remains to be seen…

Sia Huff - July 24, 2014 - 9:13 pm

Ahh, Pam, I’m so sorry that things didn’t work out. You’re one smart lady to follow your gut as well as your heart. One day at a time, my friend. Glad your treating yourself well. And good luck on the declutter. {{{Hugs}}} I understand about needing an extra few hugs.

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