My husband usually did it, but he was overseas and my front lawn landscaper was afraid of my dogs, so he refused to do it after the one time. Let me rephrase that he was afraid of hurting my dogs.  I have unruly Chihuahuas who are convinced they can take down a riding lawnmower mano-a-mano (paw-to-paw).

First I get the electric lawn mower, finally figure out it has to be plugged in to work, so after searching in the garage I find a long bright orange cord and voila! Who would have thought?

One mower worked great the other not so much (me). For one thing did you know twigs and crap fly through the air and land on your legs in a flawless impersonation of a palmetto bug?  I jumped and screamed, the lawnmower cut off and the Chihuahuas yapped in circles, thinking it was a great game.

To add insult to injury, as I mowed I didn’t think of sex and football. My thoughts were more like, “Was that a snake? Are my Keds ruined? Is that marijuana? Why am I wearing Keds?”

I am sweating like a pig and am pretty sure I had a heat stroke too!

So finally the lawn was done, I am super excited, mission accomplished. I go around the side of the house into the garage and put the mower and cord away. I try the door to the house find it locked, next I try the front door and it’s locked too. No problem, I make my way through the back yard to the back door…you guess it.  Locked.  The pesky Chihuahuas are inside, thanks to their doggie door urging me with high pitched barks to attempt to find another way in.

The only other entrance into the house is the unlocked bathroom window…which is about four feet off the ground.

And that my friends, is a story for another day.

Looking for a new read? Try my latest release, Where The Four Winds Collide, available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

“Sometimes Trust Comes Only After You Lose It All”

Long roads through land unspoiled by concrete or heavy traffic still exists here. In the south, Wisteria hangs from arched branches along the roadways, cicadas sing loudly on humid summer nights. Guitar music and laughter rings under the canopy of  dry lightening on summer nights.  You can purchase farm fresh produce at the stand where dirt roads intersect.  And don’t be surprised when neighbors smile and wave from rockers on front porches.

I can’t help but wonder what its like to grow up in those large antebellum homes in the middle of many acres, surrounded by pastures in which horses graze and farmland is plowed by a farmer on a John Deere tractor. I bet it’s great.

I love this saying on a plaque I placed in my dining room.

The South; where tea is sweet and accents are sweeter; summer starts in April; front porches are wide and words are long; macaroni and cheese is a vegetable; pecan pie is a staple; Y’all is the only proper pronoun; chicken is fried and biscuits come with gravy; everything is darling and someone is always getting their heart blessed.

If you haven’t come yet, I welcome y’all to come and please sit a spell.

Sissy Blue tiptoed down the wide staircase that lead to the oversized entryway and froze upon spotting Miss Maggie.

“Hello Sweetie. I’ve never seen you up so early.” The bright-eyed lady studied her disheveled appearance.  “Honey, you need to do something about that hair. I’m about to make some coffee.”

“Right, I’ll be down in a sec,” Sissy replied over her shoulder and rushed back upstairs into the guest bedroom.

Jimmy Blue stood in the middle of the room scratched at his unshaven jawline and yawned. “Is the coast clear?”

Sissy sunk into the bed, “No Miss Maggie is up. She will wring my neck for bringing you here last night.”

“This is ridiculous,” he snapped. “We’re married.”

“I’m mad at you Jimmy, technically we’re separated. And keep your voice down.”

“We are?” His voice did not lower. “Since when?”

Eyes narrowed she crossed her arms over her chest.  “Since yesterday when I caught you sneaking off with that tackle box, after you told me you were going to the men’s meeting at church.”

“Is that so? Well I’m leaving.” John huffed and went to the window.

“What are you doing?” Sissy scrambled to grab at him when he lifted it open and stuck one leg out.  “Don’t you dare try to climb out Jimmy, for goodness sakes, you’re almost fifty, you’ll break your darn neck.”

Jimmy wiggled his eyebrows at her.  “If I’m your dirty little secret, I may as well play the part.  Can I come over again tonight?” One leg still on the outside, he wiggled his butt at her.

Sissy giggled and covered her mouth with her hand.  “You are crazy. Come on let’s tell Miss Maggie I’m going home.”

Light on her feet, Sissy glided back down the stairs.  “Miss Maggie?”

In the kitchen Miss Maggie stood by the large glass doors and waved her over.  “I think you should take Jimmy back, dear.  Bless his heart, look at him.”

“What?” Sissy looked behind her and what do you know, Jimmy was nowhere to be seen. She rushed to where Miss Maggie stood and  her mouth fell open. Her husband was hanging upside down from the apple tree in the backyard. “What’s that darn fool doing?”

Miss Maggie shrugged, “I don’t quite know, maybe he was trying to get you an apple and lost his balance. Hey Jimmy Blue!”  She waved at Jimmy who yelped and tumbled to the ground. “Bless his heart, he’s missing a sock.”

When Jimmy sat up and blinked, Sissy pulled Miss Maggie away from the window.  “I may just give him another chance, but first let’s have breakfast. I really could use some of that cup of coffee now.”

Hildie McQueen Author of Where The Four Winds Collide lives in Augusta, Georgia with her super hero Husband Kurt, and two unruly Chihuahuas, Pancho and Pepito.  Catch her at www.hildiemcqueen.com

image credit: zetwe / 123RF Stock Photo

PETIT FOURS AND HOT TAMALES would like to welcome author  HILDIE MCQUEEN !

Have you ever lived in a small town?   If not, have you ever thought about things that would be different than living in a big city?   Today Hildie is sharing with us the art of living in a small town.

THE ART OF SMALL TOWN LIVING

By:  Hildie McQueen

Although my hometown is not what I consider small, it’s not huge either. Rarely can I venture out and not run into someone I know. So I have learned, there is an art to small town living that new folks need to understand.

For starters, that quick dash to the grocery store with your hair up with a dirty scrunchy and eye boogers is a perfect recipe for disaster. You WILL run into at least ten people you know, including the handsome guy that changes your oil who you were hoping would one day work up the nerve to ask you out.

Do not ever flip off, cut off, or scream out your window at a bad driver. The one time I did that, yes I think I did all three; the car was parked at my church when I arrived.  Talk about a little bit awkward.

Speaking of driving, when you honk at the car in front of you who did not notice the light change to green, it’s not going to move things along. Actually, the opposite will happen. Everyone will turn around and look to see who is honking. The person in front of you will wave and stare in the rearview mirror while trying to figure out if they know you.

Trash talking will always get to the source of your ire. This is bad and good. Bad because they find out you said something negative about them. Good because it’s the perfect way for them to hear how you feel without you having to speak to them directly.

Lastly, “Bless her heart,” really does work. The perfect ending to what you said about the above mentioned.   Example: “Did you see Sally-Sue just hanging all over Bubba, with that ill-fitting green dress she favors so much?”    Complete the comment with. “Bless her heart.”

We’d like to thank Hildie for joining us today.  I’m sure you’re going to want to learn more about Hildie, so check out her website or follow her on Twitter…..and then pop over and check out her books!

Desperate Betrayal - Amazon  B&N                                                     Facebook: www.facebook.com/HildieMcQueen

Desperate Surrender - Amazon  B&N                                                 More about Hildie at www.hildiemcqueen.com

Desperate Choices - Amazon                                                                                     Twitter: @HildieMcQueen

Where The Four Winds Collide - Jan 2013

Don’t let the following list of awesome books fool you. We still need recommendations!!!!  Please stop by and let us know what you are reading and why you recommended it.

As an added bonus to encourage your recommendations, we are giving away a $5 gift card to a book seller of your choice.

Winner! Winner! Winner!

The lucky leprechaun stopped by the blog today and chose a winner from the comments from February’s First Saturday Recommendations.  Choosing between the numbers 0 and 9, he chose lucky #7.

Congratulations JB HUNT!!!

You have won a $5 gift card to an on-line book seller of your choice.

Shoot us an e-mail and we will get that sent to you ASAP.

JB HUNT recommended several books last month.

A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant

How to Dance With a Duke by Manda Collins

Must Love Mistletoe and Not another New Year’s Eve by Christie Ridgeway

THANK YOU JB for these awesome recommendations.

A recap of the other recommended books are listed below.

Dying to Please by Linda Howard (recommended by Jane)

Lord John and the Private Matter by Diana Gabaldon (recommended by Mary Preston)

Bridges of Scarlet Leaves by Kristina McMorris (recommended by Sandra McGregor)

***Note*** Kristina McMorris is our featured Guest Chef this coming week and you can read a terrific review of Bridges of Scarlet Leaves in the previous post***

Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr (recommended by Tami Brothers)

Who Do, Voodoo by Rochelle Staab (recommended by Tami Brothers)

Ashfall by Mike Mullin (recommended by Tami Brothers)

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins (recommended by Marilyn Baron)

The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides (recommended by Marilyn Baron)

Fall of Giants by Ken Follett (recommended by Marilyn Baron)

The Chase by Clive Cussler (recommended by Linsey Lanier)

Bitter Black Kiss by Michelle Clay (recommended by Hildie McQueen)

Darker After Midnight by Lara Adrian (recommended by Hildie McQueen)

Taking Chase by Lauren Dane  (recommended by Hildie McQueen)

A huge thank you to all our readers.  We can’t wait to see what you guys have in store for us this month.

Be sure to stop back by in April to see who is the lucky winner of the $5 gift card.

Until then, may the luck of the Leprechauns rain down on all of you.